Black Ballet

I love the ballet! I love it even more when I'm not distracted by whispers behind me or cell phones ringing and surely without attendants telling folks "pictures are not permitted".

I love the ballet! I love it because 2 sentences in a brochure comes to life for several minutes, often times without words.  Most times with the addition of lights, music, stillness and other theatrics.  Their movements being poetic while silent or perhaps lively with a pulse!  Altogether...being indescribable and evoking sporadic emotions.

I love the black ballet and I love my black people sitting with me at the black ballet.  It makes my heart beam when the little girl

in a tulle skirt with Afro-puffs is twirling in the walkway and squeals with anticipation.  I also understand that she might be chatting in the second act and not know when to clap or speak at all...to be honest sometimes I forget 'proper' etiquette too!

But some things are simply common courtesy in all situations: cell phone lights and sounds really ruins an experience, unrelated or ongoing conversation can ruin it too. So adults-remember to lead by example.  Remember to pour into our children and when able, expand their horizons. Remember to be patient with those around you, young and wise.  Don't forget to support fine arts and keep them "fine" by showing grace.  And lastly, continue to support people who look like us because that is what turn dreams into goals. 

HomeOwner Chronicles #2

The second lesson I've learned is: although sellers and communities provide full disclosures, and you even have an inspection of the property;  there will be a learning curve between the homeowner and the property itself.  

In the first couple month I'm still learning things about the community; specifically about my neighbors. Some are friendly and actually speak, a few are awkward, and a couple appear to always be home (living "the life" and yes I'm a little jelly). I have one neighbor that parks behind my driveway EVERYDAY- I'm trying to decide if I should have a chat or not; not trying to have bad blood with others so early...so the jury is still out on that one but stay tuned.

I'm also still learning things about the house itself! Most things are minimal like the way the drains in my bathroom sink are super stubborn and that there is a lose wooden plank in my downstairs bathroom.

These things are small- but there has been one major adventure: my garage door lock is (was) busted! So it took several nights before I parked in my garage; partly because I had trash in there from moving as well as kitchen appliances I was selling. But mainly because I was cutting a few corners with buying a garage opener online!

Once it arrived my pops got it programmed and the very next day I was ready to park my "Mazarati" in my garage. It was late, and the door to the house was being extremely stubborn; I brushed it off and took the literal 7 steps to my front door which I had entered and exited numerous times. I then walked from the inside of the house and used the wall unit garage opener button to close the garage.  The door from the garage to the house was still being stubborn so I slammed it shut and went to bed (did I mention it was late and I was tired).

The next morning I am ready to walk out the door conjoining the house and garage when to my surprise...the door won't budge; I notice the door knob won't turn at all; I realize the lock won't unlock! I immediately begin to panic then bully myself as I quickly recount the struggles I had with the door the night before: Why did I park in the garage? Why didn't I notice something was wrong with the door before? Why did I wait until the very last minute to leave for work? What do I do now- I can't get me car out!

I was panicking mostly because I legit did not know how to get my car out.  The car was in the garage.  The garage door opener was inside the car, that was in the garage.  The door from the house to the garage was stuck/jammed.

So....I called my dad; who didn't answer.  Then I called my mom who didn't answer. Then I decided to unscrew the lock! I figured let me just take it off, that should work.  Long story short my parents did call me back, but only moments before I needed to call my coworker to pick me up for work; I had an AM client/appointment.  I called a locksmith who told me I was on the right track; he basically told me that I would need to destroy the lock with whatever it takes but not destroy the door frame.

After my appointment; my co-worker and I were up to the challenge.  We grabbed a toolbox and went to work.  I tried not to get discouraged and not to be too gentle and after about 15 minutes finally I could see my car! I reversed her outta there so quick it would have made your head spin.

Since then I have replaced the locks on all entrances to the house and ordered another garage open to keep inside the house for special situations AKA emergencies.  I've also parked my car inside the garage and feel confident this scenario won't be a repeat!

Hope-ship

I have often times chatted and written about relationships.  No wonder why nor should it be a surprise as relationship are what I've found to be an integral part of being more than just a simple human. And when I think of the variety of relationships that exist, I'm truly mystified as there are multiple levels and combinations ranging from relationships between friends, lovers, co-workers, colleagues, and more.

In recent conversation the topic of hope within these relationships emerged. Through the scope of success, employers hope that their staff can comply with their demands  and requests; through the scope of failure perhaps these same employers hope their weakest link will resign or self-elect for an early departure.  Employers really "think" these are likely outcomes.

In regards to friends, some friendships appear less balanced as one side is more needy or draining vs stable and giving.  It appears that over time, this relationship becomes filled with hopes too.  Often times one friend hoping that things will get better, ultimately hoping this friendship can and will soon appear more comfortable- like it used to be.  These individuals really "think" this is possible.

Perhaps something similar is the case with romantic relationships as well; one partner feeling drained as the other goes unaware. Or perhaps one partner feeling overwhelmed while the other has no idea. And similar to the hopes revolving around friendship; someone hoping there is more depth between the duo, with additional fleeting thoughts with hope at its center.

The unfortunate part is that while these hopes are floating around- the relationship itself is deteriorating.  The relationship is becoming more and more lost at bay, getting closer and closer to reaching a breaking point, or being overfilled with so many burdens it simply capsized. 

So instead of hope in these relationships...I suggest communication.  Communicate and work towards solutions; because all relationships are important.  No more walking on eggshells or treading lighting; no more whispers to others who aren't effected but bring you comfort as you continue to hope.  It's sure to be difficult, but all things worth having weren't easy to obtain; so talk about the issues and be about the solutions.  After all- hope floats but not without a little extra😊

A Letter to My Mister

A wise person once mentioned that letters to your future husband are similar to prayers; they are often kept in secret, mental conversations riddled with some of your deepest most coveted thoughts and dreams...

Dear Future Mister,

As a little girl I was never the one who pretended to be married to a superstar. I didn't have a secret crush or celebrity posters that lined my walls.  In fact I rarely even played with barbies or dolls.

 

As a teen, with dating I noticed the realms of popularity and status.  I found myself at a crossroads where smarts, athlete, and band geek intersected.  At sleepovers, I still wasn't a fan of MASH or other dreamy games; I don't recall signing my name as a "misses" to my secret crush either.

 

As a young adult I find myself still being an exception to the rule.  I've been told in more than one relationship, that they'd "never encountered a girl like me".  In a few instances I understood their point; but in most instances felt everyone is different, and pondered if this was a point even worth mentioning or sharing in the first place.

Getting older (and I believe wiser) I find myself thinking of you more. I've given thought to who you are; truly reflected- not just on what you do, how you look, or your story...but rather what is carried within your heart. 

When I think of who you are I am overjoyed. I think of your strength, wisdom, humor, and intelligence.  I think of your heart and spirit; I envision your inner-self to be free and warm.

When I think about how you adore me, I beam; about how you support me makes my eyes smiles; and about how you honor me, simply makes my heart sing.

I envision melting with your touch and allowing my mind to drift with your gaze. I know your intellectual conversation and thought provoking perspectives will keep me striving for more from this life; creating change in our communities, no matter how big or small. I imagine the moments and possible hours that pass by as we stimulate one another with thoughts, ideas, actions, and plans.

I foresee a time where we need no music to dance, where my worse to you is still viewed as my best, and in a room filled with people we only see each other.  

I'm aware that obstacles will arise and already I appreciate the times you anchor me, and rough times where we weather the storm. I know we will disagree but am sure we will learn compromise and balance. I'm sure there will be hills and valleys but hope we travel them together. I'm confident I will make you better and you will pour into me- keeping one another enriched and full-hearted.

I await the moment so simple yet sweet; however truly everlasting, where I know you are the mister I've been awaiting. The split second where my life has changed because my heart has been matched with one who is equally yoked with all of me and whom I am. Until that day, I will continue to be hopeful and faithful; after-all there is no rush when a couple of forever is the goal.

Lord, let me love myself and love others always, let me be open to love from others, let me stay cloaked in your love, and be patient, watchful, and obedient for my true love. AMEN

HomeOwner Chronicles #1

So I'm all moved in and trying to get settled into my humble abode. Although this has been a stressful chapter it's also been very rewarding.

The first lesson I've learned is: you will literally bleed green from closing until the first mortgage payment so be prepared to let your savings go.

It seems that everyday I am writing another check, swiping another card (debit over credit of course), and making a list of future items to purchase,  desired upgrades, and connection fees.

It's been hard to part with my hard earned money; mainly because I've worked hard to earn it. But also because my savings account looked AMAZING as I stacked for these moments- so why is it so hard to willingly let them go?!

I recall days along my savings plan that I would simply look at my banking statement; partially as motivation to keep sacrificing things daily for its growth and partially to reflect on how I was slowly reaching my goal.

So now for these stacks to not only have their growth stunned but also to see more depletion of them is very hard.  This is what I must remember: although my "nest-egg" is a bit dwindled the assets around me are growing. 

What Are You Hungry For?

I woke up with a feeling in my stomach.  It's hard to find the words to explain it. It was a feeling I'd felt before but yet something about it stood out. It was heavy, but not on my heart. It didn't ache, but didn't part from me. I began my day paying it less mind but it didn't escape my thoughts.

I arrived to work after fighting traffic and began my day much like any other; pushing through this pit which presented an ongoing distraction.  I went through the motions of my morning tasks and felt no desire for lunch.  After this hour passed I met with a client. 

This child was truly one of kind.  A walking description of childhood, beauty, and unfortunate pain. My time with her, though limited to just over an hour, felt like much less.  She spoke to me, but more than that I listened to her.  She spoke and I heard her every word; holding onto each syllable, craving more of her story. It wasn't an easy hour but one that came truly naturally to me.

After this appointment was done, I returned to my cubical. I felt filled, touched, and reset all at once.  I noticed my curious pit had dissipated and a fleeting though crossed my mind: maybe I was hungry... Perhaps I craved something that was bigger than what taste buds could suggest.  Maybe I wanted for something more filling than food.

As I sat, I felt an inner glow.  I watched this  child leave our office and in that moment I knew my pain from earlier in the day was a hunger for my purpose: to share my charitable heart, to lend a listening ear, to give my undivided attention; but ultimately  to serve children as a medium such that they be better understood and truly less burdened. 

My team noticed my change and I told them what cured me was my soul being fed; not on the pain the children left for me to carry, but on the reminder God gave me on my purpose- this is what I hungered for!

What do you hunger for? What fills your soul? What sings to your heart and renews your spirit? 

Education or Contribution?

While enjoying my vacation in Mexico I welcomed a thought provoking conversation with a local staff member; he, Abe, also  has a love for psychology and through brief conversation it's apparent he too has a charitable heart.

Abe shared his prior endeavor within a non- profit organization whose goal was to increase high school graduation rates within Mexico. The program was founded in California, with its basic idea as having liaisons within the non-profit organization to recruit high school aged students in Mexico then coaching them through graduating.

Abe discussed that support from family, friends, and communities throughout Mexico is minimal; there, once of age it's encouraged that the best method of contributing is joining the job force as a way to help your family.

The conversation was interesting for several reasons, one of which being a few parallels between his culture and mine. But by far the most informative statement was that in Mexico, if you do not have a high school degree or GED, you are not and cannot ever be eligible for promotions.  

For a single moment I thought of the foundational idea of USA being the land of the "All-America Dream", where hard work and loyalty can sometimes pay off; because here we can begin at the bottom and move up; in fact their are several businesses that  make this a requirement.

For me it gave just a little more perspective. I thought about how big of a sacrifice it must be to not finish schooling knowing your decision is everlasting. That moment truly lends the question: To be educated or to contribute? I also thought of how this set-up lends to a common day caste system.  More specifically, how things change and yet they still remain the same.

Abe is a staff member here now because the non-profit initiative failed. Too many students found the lack of support too much to overcome; for with each day out of work, parents were upset and peers confused.  As a compromise, initially some students enrolled in school and had work; however in just a short period of time, found the this load to be too heavy, considering longs hours on the bus to get to and from work that was heavy in labor as well as having a long shift to make the best of the commute; they all bailed.

For me, coming from a a family and community filled with support I knew no other option but to complete high school and college as a minimum. I've never had to choose between education and income. Stories like this remind me of my blessings, remind me that the USA still has room for growth- as does the world itself. And lastly, reminds me that knowledge is power...so make sure you get some! 

Thirty before Thirty

About a month ago I turned 29! As I enter the last year of my twenties, there have been several interesting conversations sounding age:

- The last year of your twenties is the last year to get "it" out of your system. "It" here referring to foolish antics, irresponsible behavior, etc. This makes total sense; think about when you hear crazy stories from others or even on the news, one of the first questions: how old are they? This immediately grants the person some slack when in their twenties, but just as easily cast more judgement when in their thirties...or older

- Along the same lines is the idea that ones twenties are for enjoying life and making new experiences; which would imply that beyond your twenties the focus is more on being an adult; investing, settling down, making roots, etc.

- For women, it appears this is especially true in reference to making a family! Science tells us that most women will reach their sexual peak during this age range, instinctively the crescendo to a halt due to harsher child bearing years in ones forties.

- Research has also suggested that for some of the longest living folks in the world; their thirties was their favorite time frame; this was reportedly  due to balance between work and play; enjoying life through a different lens which was eased due to increased income and seeking a suitable companion for life which great memories were build with. 

I have no clue what my stance will be on the the decade of thirty in retrospect, but as it begins to peak over the horizon I've vowed to myself the following: I'm intentionally going out with a bang, I will not fall victim to judgements, and I will (without a doubt) enjoy this next chapter!

To hold myself accountable I've not only written out thirty things I'd like to do and/or try before thirty; I'm going to post them and share! I've only be 29 for about 30 days and already have some of these tasks lined up...trying to stay motivated for the follow thru! I also created a hashtag so I can easily reflect before the big 30!  I've  decided anything I don't accomplish before thirty will be goals to tackle within the general sense of life. #nojudgements

I challenge you to keep me grinding with my checklist. I also encourage you to make something similar for yourself! If you need an accountability partner, post your list in the comments- I'll check in! 

#tams30before30

1. Wanderlust - November

2. Salsa dance

3. Sky diving

4. Speed dating

5. Ride a ferry 

6. Nude house experience

7. Glass blowing class

8. Fruit picking 

9. Karaoke in public

10. Vagina steam

11. Concert outta town - August

12. Sporting event outta town

13. Zip line

14. Horseback riding

15. Get my makeup done at a professional counter- October

16. Create and order a custom pair of sneakers

17. Attend a networking event with intention

18. Sports/fitness class✔️

19. Bar-tending class

20. Pole class

21. Create a tasty meal (beverage, food)

22. Tackle the grill

23. Attend wind down Wednesday - September

24. Get aromatherapy educated

25. Plan and execute a stay-cation

26. Tevana life! 

27. MLK museum

28. Explore a local Georgia wonder

29. Oktoberfest - October

30. Climb Stone Mountain

Compliments & Smiles

Think fast: What do compliments and smiles have in common?

Response: They are free and seldom given.

Think about the last time you were given a compliment. What was it about? Who gave it to you? And how did it make you feel? Although there are a multitude of answers; I'd guess for most compliments were given to you by someone of the opposite sex about something very shallow or general like clothing or hair.

Don't get me wrong- all compliments are nice but when is the last time someone  complimented you? Meaning, provided you with a compliment  regarding  something that only you possess- like your smile, or intelligence, or maybe even your heart?

Now the other part is...when a compliment is given it must also be well received. The last time I was complimented, and yes it was by the opposite sex, I'm admit, I felt a bit awkward as I awaited the additional and typical foolish and out of pocket comments to follow, but they didn't and my awkward response turned into blubbering.

It was then I realized that hand in hand with chivalry, compliments are fading; but only if we let them! 

So what does this mean?  It means each of us should do better with gracefully receiving compliments when they are given and each of us should hand them out like fliers in college because they are free! 

We already tell our friends about the lady with great hair or awesome fashion...but did you tell that lady herself...that her swag-bag was running over?  How great would it be for other women to give you compliments and vice versa?  Perhaps this will balance the times we so readily tell folks about themselves; for example when it comes to feeling disrespected.

And let's push the limit with "homie-lover/friend", try requesting more compliments  beyond our women-ly characteristics. We cannot continue to make it so easy for the suggestive comment regarding sexuality and related context. Instead let's strive for compliments that are truly original, that are deeper than superficial offerings.

Maybe with a bit of repetition with these few approaches compliments will be more common and truly appreciated. Maybe with practice this can breath life into chivalry.  Then again maybe it won't. Instead it may only make you smile, but I think all these possibilities make it well worth it! 

So I challenge you: compliment 1 women a week for the remainder of the summer, receive your next 5 compliments gracefully, and shower your "homie-lover/friend" with compliments of substance to maybe start a trend.

Cries to my Father

I woke up with a heavy heart and masked myself for the day. I went to work and probably snapped on a few people; overall peaking and valley-ing as the work day passed.  I kept myself busy and didn't really think about the heaviness I was carrying...didn't make the time.

I stopped at a store this evening and while waiting scrolled my social media time line. In only a few minutes my mask unraveled itself. I immediately felt a lump in my throat which I tried to hold there as I walked to my car. I rode in near silence as I began breathing heavily in attempts to "stay calm" and "keep it together".

But as I saw my house, a tear touched my cheek. As I turned in the driveway tears puddled my eyes. My holding and waiting gave way to crying, crying so hard I barley put my car in park. 

My tears and crying gave way to sobbing which grew to trembling and shallow gasps for air. Then I heard a voice, my father, concerned yet calm inquiring: "what's wrong".  He waited patiently then intently listened as I shared with him my burden, my thoughts,  concerns and worries.  I told him I was angry, scared, and disappointed. I asked him for answers and explained how my mind was filled with randomized thoughts as I crave a solution.

He listened and was supportive as we talked. I'll spare all the details. But his message was clear: " Unfortunately history repeats itself, and yes change is hard, but a problem of this magnitude will not be solved overnight as there are so many pieces that need active solutions."

And just as I found myself calming down, I looked at him and said "thank you"; only to find myself in tears again as he had demonstrated (in what felt like a millisecond) why our Kings are so precious and I was reminded (in that millisecond) what we continue to lose with each death.

#blacklivesmatter #seeksolutions #createchange

BET Awards 2016

Last weekend BET Awards 2016 premiered. I had forgotten it was airing until a commercial on Spike TV revealed itself; to my surprise this commercial indicated the awards shows was coming on next...on Spike TV.  In an effort to record the Prince tribute, I pressed some button on the remote and saw another channel, LOGO, was also airing it too. To kill my curiosity I continued to scroll and caught that a host of channels: E!, MTV, Nickelodeon, etc. were covering the event.

Once it started, I though is the the power of Queen Bey? She was the opening act in a powerful and clearly comment provoking performance of freedom with Kendrick Lamar which illustrated tribal dancers taking the stage and dancing alongside her in water. Beyoncé also made HBO do a promo weekend when her visual album dropped a week before her tour.

There were several tributes to Prince. There were likely enough for his own mini-tribute time-slot; but of course sprinkling it throughout the full length of the awards show made more drama. There were so many great artist who presented Prince well.

As the award show continued there were several blatant and arguably shameless plugs for viewers to vote and know the platforms of these candidates. Some presenters were clear in sharing who they were voting for and why; while other performers were verbally silent and allowed for their clothing ensemble to do the speaking.

There was also Jesse Williams who was also a huge focal point of the awards show.  The magnitude and longevity of his resume beyond Grey's Anatomy was beyond me until last night; but in his several minutes speech of being the recipient of BET Humanitarian Award, I marveled. Williams was direct and very clear about his mission, his goals, his ideas, and provided viewers with a plan on how to become a part of a movement focused on change for the better.  Williams left no qualms regarding his position and verbalized focused on race, conditional freedom, and several other related topics. #blacklivesmatter

Although I have never been hard pressed to tune in for the BET awards show, I'm so glad I did! Im still not completely clear on what created its appearance on so many channels; however, I applaud BET for using their star power to create commentary on things that matter beyond just the popularity of music. It was courageous and widespread; I heard the messages and hope others did too! 

I have used this as a platform to talk to others, both young and old about pop culture, history, voting and race issues. I have found this awards show as well as the avalanche of following commentary to be a  great breeding ground for thought provoking conversation and education.  No matter what your stance or opinion having the conversation is courageous as an individual and illustrates a change-maker within your community. I say- create a few ripples and cause a meaningful conversation, one with depth and hopefully related self-reflection. For we all know: change is difficult but necessary, so we must be the change we wish to see! 

#latepost😅

Humble Who

This weekend I put into action a hard lesson, it's truly one that I tried to avoid. It was my decision to move back home with my parents.

It was a hard decision because it wasn't at all what I saw for my life going into damn near thirty. As I swallowed my pride I felt like I was taking a huge step backwards- not just failing myself but also staining the path of excellence I have built for important youngsters in my life.

My mother reminded me: sometimes you have to take one step back to later take 3 steps forward. My sister reminded me: you haven't failed at all your making a huge sacrifice for bigger goals. My father reminded me: our doors are always open but since you aren't failing I'll gladly be accepting your monthly rent at a friends and family discount of course.

And all of them are right. I'm not failing in the typical sense; I still have a job and can afford to do nice things for myself, my friends, and my family.  I am taking a step

Back with faith that huge leaps and bounds forward are coming. And yes- this is a sacrifice that I de ides to make.

So as I embark upon this new chapter I'm filled with mixed emotions; of all the emotions I've experience on this emotional roller coaster the word humbling stands out. That's what best describes this transition, a humbling decision indeed; where there is not a termination date in sight, only dreams and goals surrounded by faith and accompanied by hard work exists.

In reflection, I think of so many other peers who have had to humble themselves. Making decisions that are best for the long run as opposed to the right now. And I applauded and supported them then, not knowing that beyond humbling is sacrifice, fear of failing, and of course judgments of others. But as I too sign up for my turn on this ride in life I have a new found respect. 

So for anyone else who is tottering with their options, weight them all- the good ones, bad ones, and hard ones too! Make a decision based on what's best for you which might not be what feels best to you.  Be mindful of your emotional decisions versus ones made while rational. Know that you aren't the first to regroup and won't be the last. And ultimately be reminded that without question, adulting is hard.

Friendship

Friendship is one of the most important relationships around. A friend can be found in any other relationship but it's not vice versa. Friendship is the basis or a key component of romantic relationships; and sets apart relationships with family members as well as co-workers or mentors. 

I would tell anyone that I'm a great friend because I don't take the job lightly; and like any other position in life-failure and/or being mediocre is simply not an option. Friendship over time is intriguing because with age we clearly get wiser;and, although some labels matter less and less other labels matter more and more.  

The label of friendship is no different. Think of your friends from kindergarten or elementary school...those requirements and criteria were minimal. You could be a bully today and a friend in the swings tomorrow. As a young adult things look vastly different, and for most quality over quantity is key in filling the position.

But here is some food for thought/ why is it so hard to make new friends- particularly in adult life? Not just associates or acquaintances, but legit true friends. My first thought is the position is largely filled.. so do we have a friendship maximum or limit? Or perhaps friendship itself appears less genuine amongst tasks of networking and achieving higher status with like minded peers?

Remember the saying and song: " Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. A circle's round, it has no end- that's how long I want to be your friend" Which one do you wanna be? Old or new? Silver or gold? And how many pieces of old and new silver and gold and jewelry do you want or have? Most importantly do any of these labels even matter?

We all know - beauty is in the eye of the beholder but maybe friendship is too! So take the job seriously and know that true friendship is irreplaceable; a gem that is precious and never-ending.

Share the Wealth

Recently I was talking to a likeminded lady who's lives in Cali; where clearly the cost of living as well as the assumed day to day lifestyle varies greatly from the one I'm more aquatinted with in good ole Atlanta, GA.

In conversation about financial goals she made the following statement: "I want to make money, while I sleep". 

The first time I heard this comment was in a sitcom, "Survivor's Remorse" which is about an African American family raised on the wrong side of Boston who then relocated as the youngest son signed a basketball contract in Atlanta. There episode of "making money while they slept" included landing an endorsement deal; more specifically one that highlighted them as a major stockholder.

Is this the concept that comes to mind for most individuals; particularly ones that are not in the field of business? For me this was definitely the case.  And let's be real- the remedy for most questions we don't know is a quick Google search; however, with a minimal foundation in basics of investments, stocks, and the like; Google quickly resulted in begin defeated. I didn't know where to start and didn't have concrete questions to ask; Bt my goal was clear: what are the steps to make money while I sleep too.

When my likeminded confidant made the same statement it was obvious that her goal was the same, but her research had equipped her with a plan that had much more to offer to anyone who was listening. Here were her pearls of wisdom:

- There is no one method that will suite you 100% so while doing your research be true to yourself by finding something that you can commit to and cast a large net for valuable resources so you can then develop a best suited plan for you- basically...read...ALOT! 

- Trial and error is scary especially when it comes to coins and cash so start smart and small then make adjustments

- Investing is really about investing in yourself- stocks and bonds are just one common route but there are others such as rewards cards, high interest savings accounts like DiscoverIT or Capital One QuickSilver , and general bank memberships with banks that have limited overhead cost like Ally or Charles Schwab

Of course these are only the snowflakes to possibly begin a snowball effect towards wealth; but more than the specific ideas she shared the largest shared golden nugget was in the act of giving that was then received. 

Often times people want to do better but don't know how. The don't know how to start, or who to ask, or even know what questions to ask. Other times individuals share a pearl but it rests on deaf ears as it's not received as helpful or maybe not even acknowledge for its full potential.  

Where do you fall? Are you depositing into others your learned wisdom? Are you assuming your knowledge is "common" and therefore opting to not share? Are you keeping tips to yourself because the first few people seemed unbothered as well as unenriched by what you had to offer? If this is you, don't give up someone needs to learn this lesson.

On either end- those seeking more information while flirting with the feelings of being overwhelmed or defeated- stay focused. Keep you eyes, ears, and heart open. And don't be fooled, you likely still have information to share.

No matter your category, I challenge you to share one financial goal with someone and attempt to exchange a tip for financial growth! So go forth, share, listen and prosper! 

Napoleon Syndrome...for Women

I think most are familiar with the idea or general concept of Napoleon Syndrome. However have you ever thought about what this really illustrates: males overcompensating their size (height or otherwise 😜) for something else; most often in exchange for power and/or status.  In a nutshell all roads lead to the male ego...nothing new or profound there.

But as we continue to move forward in time there are plenty of other groups that are seeking power. 

Have you ever heard of Josephine or Napoleon's Cleopatra?  The prior was his wife who came into their marriage with baggage as a widow with 2 children, and the latter was his mistress while married to the first.  Under this frame of thought, I wonder: Does Napoleon syndrome exist for the female gender?

How powerful did his wife have to be to prompt being courted by him...and get the ring? Considering her position and her "baggage" how did her happy ending include Napoleon? 

This is clearly open for discussion but perhaps female Napoleon syndrome is perpetuated not just by ego itself but rather by her emotional tie to power which often presents itself to those observing as "power of the vag". Yep...I said it. How often are women utilizing their sex and all that comes with it for the upper edge?

No judgements here; but think about how often television shows highlight powerful women in scenes where they are portrayed as everyday superheroes followed by scenes filled with hot steamy sex or at least a conversation inside a hallway or elevator filled with sexual innuendo's and implied sexual tension; not to mention the additions of scantily clad  attire.

Think about how often in real life the pretty blonde or girl with straight hair or maybe the chick who always wears skirts and heels seemingly is always offered a platform to "lean in". Meanwhile you have observed her doing minimal work.  Maybe be there is a female you know who is always flirting with others and oddly random doors are opened.  Meanwhile you're confused as to how she has so much time to spare for such socializing.  Do you know who I'm talking about? Do you have someone like this in your office? Are you this lady in your agency or organization?  Do you wanna be?

No matter where you fall on the spectrum of using your goodies for advancement; the bigger reality is that this typically works so well, because men are most often in power. So I say...don't stop using your power but let's not judge so harshly those that do. And instead, as a united front of females, let's get more women at the big tables, have more ladies taking seats to make decisions that matter and creating change. Then ladies let's change the stigma.  After all, Napoleon was taken down in the end but it took a united front to make it happen.

Brunch: 10th & Piedmont

It's another month so another brunch was surely in order. This time I chose 10th & Piedmont. The setting is super cute, it's actually located at 10th & Piedmont ( go figure- lol) within the Midtown area. They have huge widows which are retractable! For a nice day you can enjoy all the hustle and bustle as you people watch while folks are enjoying the block or making their way to and from nearby Piedmont Park. Inside the place there was no waiting and the seating availability looks much bigger from inside than one would guess just driving by; however I also had a reservation. The ambiance was comfortable too: they had smooth grooves playing at an appropriate volume such that it could be heard but the chit-chat around you didn't interfere nor did I feel the need to yell across the table at my company. 

The menu is appears to be short and sweet, a varied of options but nothing too eclectic as an offer.  I ordered a southwestern burrito; which I thought was a sure win! Just based upon presentation, I was immediately disappointed to receive a plate that had a tablespoon of pico, which was marketed as salsa. After my first taste I was made quickly aware that perhaps this wasn't the best choice. If I went back again I'd surely order something more traditional like grits and eggs with some sausage. 

My friend ordered chicken and waffles which was quite creative; the chicken was a chicken finger on a stick, wrapped in bacon and dipped in waffle-like batter that was then fried.  Verbally it sounded like "fair" or "festival" food. Visually it looked like corn dogs, a set of 3 mini-corn dogs was served with a legit tablespoon of grits.   The verdict: 3 pieces was more than plenty for taste but not for overall fullness.

So what about the drinks? Just our luck- they had the option of bottomless mimosas! They had flavored mimosas as well; but, they do not have a bottomless option for these. The mimosas had a great balance of champagne and juice and their presentation was great within large constantly flowing glasses.  

Lastly, valet parking was complimentary which was great! Although due to the layout of multiple one-way streets you must go around the moon to capitalize on it.  But it's free! And directly next door so it's worth it.

All in all- 10th & Piedmont is not in my top bracket for brunch but I'd be willing to give it another try. The social aspect of this place is awesome as are the mimosas, which always result in a good time.  Don't let my tastebuds rule yours though...give it a try and drop me a line!

Adulting + Motherhood

Today is Mother's Day! So first let me say thanks to all the great women who are mothers or are active role models for children of close friends and within the family.

Let me next say- most of y'all make it look so easy! Growing up I saw my mom do it all: work, support, cook, clean, come to school functions, discipline,teach, encourage,and etc. The list goes on and on, but she completed it all and did so while looking so graceful, truly not appearing to have skipped a beat.

As I took some time to reflect, not just on my childhood but also on my adulthood to date without the accompaniment of parenthood; I realized I am often tuckered out with just taking care of me. Just completing mundane routine tasks for a party of 1- being only myself. I drag my feet with laundry and chores. I try my best to shop for groceries and prep my meals on one day and only one day a week; anything else will result in  eating out for sure, and this one day of food prep already takes repeated self-coaching.  I cringe at the idea of any randomized "adulting addition": car maintenance, doctor appointments, phone calls regarding adult-life like calling the bank, filing taxes, moving...I'm sure you have a few more to add.

While reflecting, I realized how much I love to sleep, how much I love to make moves based solely on me. I noted how much I enjoy peace and quiet within moments as well as long uninterrupted baths.  I have no additional day to day lives to be concerned with- no kids, no pets, I don't even have a plant! 

Sooooo...I say all that above to say- Adulting is hard. But it sounds like it's only the prelude for this thing we call life. And that makes me speechless...Mom's y'all are the real MVP and not that I'm rushing family duties upon myself but I hope when the time comes I too get initiated into the elite club of "adulting + motherhood" with flying colors. I hope I too appear with effortless grace while I daily on the works around me. So readers- here's to you wherever you fall on the continuum and whatever the next dream is to fulfill. 

Show yourself kindness while you struggle

I recently attended yoga in the park. Before I go any further- let me tell you, I am not a yogi. In fact I've only done yoga a handful of times. 

Even-still, I really enjoy the relaxation and mediation portions of some yoga practices.  And after my experience this week, I'm sure it's my favorite part.

As with any other yoga classes there was an instructor that led the session. What I loved was her transparency about being authentic towards yourself. She constantly reminded us that only you know your limits and only you know when you're focused. (I'm sure it didn't help that she didn't want anyone to hurt themselves in the middle of this loosely structured class held in the corner of Old 4th Ward Skate Park).

As she guided the class she made bunches of reminders about being centered on yourself and mindful of your own limits.  She reminded us that balance can also be from within as opposed to having your left side stretch and right stretch being identical. 

Not only did she make these statements; she also provided more profound commentary- a couple of which statements lingered with me.

1. Show yourself kindness 

How often do you show yourself kindness? Not giving yourself a compliment or a positive affirmation about who you are, what you can accomplish, or what/who you can be; but truly being kind to yourself? Having self compassion.  This took me for a loop because it sounds so simple but I quickly found it takes great discipline to implement this this idea.

2. You cannot end at the beginning.

This lingered because it's the better packaging of one of my life lessons: you must go through the struggle to arrive at success.

These two statement go together. They are both so vital to life- learning to thrive instead of just survive. So I challenge you to show yourself kindness as you go through the struggle. Especially since  we all know: the struggle is real, but now we also know you can be kind to yourself while en route to successfully overcoming it.

Pinwheels for Prevention

For every month of the year there is something that is celebrated or acknowledged; some of these causes are more well known than others. However in the social worker realm one of April's hallmarks is raising the awareness of child abuse prevention.

If this is news to you, don't be alarmed- you're likely not alone. Like most Americans who shun the idea of educating children on sex education often adults and children are unequipped regarding the topic of child sexual abuse as well!  Considering knowledge is power; those who are unaware in this context put power in the hands of perpetrators.  Hence the reason for raising awareness!

Child abuse prevention is supported by  the symbol of a pin-wheel. Have you played with one or seen one before? A pinwheel in itself illustrates childhood- to be young and free without the stresses of the world; that's what the pin-wheel symbolizes.  It also symbolizes  life as a gentle breeze or breath; both of which are revitalizing in context- hence an ever going motion. For children whose lives have been jaded and innocence have been stolen; the pinwheels carry their story and remind us to not allow their story to be in vain; that instead we carry their breath and a potion of their burden and trauma to push forward with voices to create change through awareness.

Join me in the movement! Support the pinwheel! Tell someone about this issue; sexual abuse is only taboo if we allow it to be! Educate a peer, a parent, a co-worker or otherwise about how they can prevent child abuse and keep their loved ones from being at risk! 

Www.georgiacenterforchildadvocacy.org

#GCCA #pinwheelsforprevention

Is Sin City truly Sinful?

I finally made it to..you guessed it: LAS VEGAS!  I've been itching to get to this fun filled city since I turned 21; let's just say it took some time but I finally followed through.

I left before the crack of dawn and found myself in one of the busiest airports ever...you guessed it: Hartsfield-Jackson in good ole ATL.  Perhaps it was my early departure but I had I ran into no major issues; I rolled right through security and reached my gate with ease.

I boarded the plane and was quickly aware of how many children were aboard. I knew it was Spring Break season and initially thought these families must be heading somewhere else on the Western coast by way of Las Vegas; however it was clear this wasn't the case. Children and families were everywhere on the flight and conversation indicated their final stop was the same as mine.

These children were not young adults who can fend for themselves; they were middle and elementary school children at best; in some cases younger. As I roamed Sin City I noticed kids everywhere all day everyday. There were kids enjoying shows and buffets and roaming about the hotel with adults. There were kids in pampers and strollers and I thought - how much would a babysitter/ nanny make out here?

I wondered if this has always been the trend for Sin City; because although it didn't dampen my weekend of epic adventures (and have no doubt they were EPIC), children and full families just weren't part of my vision.

Don't get me wrong I'm not judging but I am very curious - what do kids do in Vegas? What do families do in Vegas? And of all locations on the globe who picks Vegas for a family fun vacation? 

I am genuinely amused, intrigued, and perplexed.  Have other folks seen this? Is it happening in other adult centered cities as well? Would you take your kids? 

In the midst of the question I began to wonder is Sin City truly sinful? Perhaps times have changed city as sin truly has no boundaries.