I woke up with a heavy heart and masked myself for the day. I went to work and probably snapped on a few people; overall peaking and valley-ing as the work day passed. I kept myself busy and didn't really think about the heaviness I was carrying...didn't make the time.
I stopped at a store this evening and while waiting scrolled my social media time line. In only a few minutes my mask unraveled itself. I immediately felt a lump in my throat which I tried to hold there as I walked to my car. I rode in near silence as I began breathing heavily in attempts to "stay calm" and "keep it together".
But as I saw my house, a tear touched my cheek. As I turned in the driveway tears puddled my eyes. My holding and waiting gave way to crying, crying so hard I barley put my car in park.
My tears and crying gave way to sobbing which grew to trembling and shallow gasps for air. Then I heard a voice, my father, concerned yet calm inquiring: "what's wrong". He waited patiently then intently listened as I shared with him my burden, my thoughts, concerns and worries. I told him I was angry, scared, and disappointed. I asked him for answers and explained how my mind was filled with randomized thoughts as I crave a solution.
He listened and was supportive as we talked. I'll spare all the details. But his message was clear: " Unfortunately history repeats itself, and yes change is hard, but a problem of this magnitude will not be solved overnight as there are so many pieces that need active solutions."
And just as I found myself calming down, I looked at him and said "thank you"; only to find myself in tears again as he had demonstrated (in what felt like a millisecond) why our Kings are so precious and I was reminded (in that millisecond) what we continue to lose with each death.
#blacklivesmatter #seeksolutions #createchange
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