A Letter to My Mister

A wise person once mentioned that letters to your future husband are similar to prayers; they are often kept in secret, mental conversations riddled with some of your deepest most coveted thoughts and dreams...

Dear Future Mister,

As a little girl I was never the one who pretended to be married to a superstar. I didn't have a secret crush or celebrity posters that lined my walls.  In fact I rarely even played with barbies or dolls.

 

As a teen, with dating I noticed the realms of popularity and status.  I found myself at a crossroads where smarts, athlete, and band geek intersected.  At sleepovers, I still wasn't a fan of MASH or other dreamy games; I don't recall signing my name as a "misses" to my secret crush either.

 

As a young adult I find myself still being an exception to the rule.  I've been told in more than one relationship, that they'd "never encountered a girl like me".  In a few instances I understood their point; but in most instances felt everyone is different, and pondered if this was a point even worth mentioning or sharing in the first place.

Getting older (and I believe wiser) I find myself thinking of you more. I've given thought to who you are; truly reflected- not just on what you do, how you look, or your story...but rather what is carried within your heart. 

When I think of who you are I am overjoyed. I think of your strength, wisdom, humor, and intelligence.  I think of your heart and spirit; I envision your inner-self to be free and warm.

When I think about how you adore me, I beam; about how you support me makes my eyes smiles; and about how you honor me, simply makes my heart sing.

I envision melting with your touch and allowing my mind to drift with your gaze. I know your intellectual conversation and thought provoking perspectives will keep me striving for more from this life; creating change in our communities, no matter how big or small. I imagine the moments and possible hours that pass by as we stimulate one another with thoughts, ideas, actions, and plans.

I foresee a time where we need no music to dance, where my worse to you is still viewed as my best, and in a room filled with people we only see each other.  

I'm aware that obstacles will arise and already I appreciate the times you anchor me, and rough times where we weather the storm. I know we will disagree but am sure we will learn compromise and balance. I'm sure there will be hills and valleys but hope we travel them together. I'm confident I will make you better and you will pour into me- keeping one another enriched and full-hearted.

I await the moment so simple yet sweet; however truly everlasting, where I know you are the mister I've been awaiting. The split second where my life has changed because my heart has been matched with one who is equally yoked with all of me and whom I am. Until that day, I will continue to be hopeful and faithful; after-all there is no rush when a couple of forever is the goal.

Lord, let me love myself and love others always, let me be open to love from others, let me stay cloaked in your love, and be patient, watchful, and obedient for my true love. AMEN

HomeOwner Chronicles #1

So I'm all moved in and trying to get settled into my humble abode. Although this has been a stressful chapter it's also been very rewarding.

The first lesson I've learned is: you will literally bleed green from closing until the first mortgage payment so be prepared to let your savings go.

It seems that everyday I am writing another check, swiping another card (debit over credit of course), and making a list of future items to purchase,  desired upgrades, and connection fees.

It's been hard to part with my hard earned money; mainly because I've worked hard to earn it. But also because my savings account looked AMAZING as I stacked for these moments- so why is it so hard to willingly let them go?!

I recall days along my savings plan that I would simply look at my banking statement; partially as motivation to keep sacrificing things daily for its growth and partially to reflect on how I was slowly reaching my goal.

So now for these stacks to not only have their growth stunned but also to see more depletion of them is very hard.  This is what I must remember: although my "nest-egg" is a bit dwindled the assets around me are growing. 

What Are You Hungry For?

I woke up with a feeling in my stomach.  It's hard to find the words to explain it. It was a feeling I'd felt before but yet something about it stood out. It was heavy, but not on my heart. It didn't ache, but didn't part from me. I began my day paying it less mind but it didn't escape my thoughts.

I arrived to work after fighting traffic and began my day much like any other; pushing through this pit which presented an ongoing distraction.  I went through the motions of my morning tasks and felt no desire for lunch.  After this hour passed I met with a client. 

This child was truly one of kind.  A walking description of childhood, beauty, and unfortunate pain. My time with her, though limited to just over an hour, felt like much less.  She spoke to me, but more than that I listened to her.  She spoke and I heard her every word; holding onto each syllable, craving more of her story. It wasn't an easy hour but one that came truly naturally to me.

After this appointment was done, I returned to my cubical. I felt filled, touched, and reset all at once.  I noticed my curious pit had dissipated and a fleeting though crossed my mind: maybe I was hungry... Perhaps I craved something that was bigger than what taste buds could suggest.  Maybe I wanted for something more filling than food.

As I sat, I felt an inner glow.  I watched this  child leave our office and in that moment I knew my pain from earlier in the day was a hunger for my purpose: to share my charitable heart, to lend a listening ear, to give my undivided attention; but ultimately  to serve children as a medium such that they be better understood and truly less burdened. 

My team noticed my change and I told them what cured me was my soul being fed; not on the pain the children left for me to carry, but on the reminder God gave me on my purpose- this is what I hungered for!

What do you hunger for? What fills your soul? What sings to your heart and renews your spirit? 

Education or Contribution?

While enjoying my vacation in Mexico I welcomed a thought provoking conversation with a local staff member; he, Abe, also  has a love for psychology and through brief conversation it's apparent he too has a charitable heart.

Abe shared his prior endeavor within a non- profit organization whose goal was to increase high school graduation rates within Mexico. The program was founded in California, with its basic idea as having liaisons within the non-profit organization to recruit high school aged students in Mexico then coaching them through graduating.

Abe discussed that support from family, friends, and communities throughout Mexico is minimal; there, once of age it's encouraged that the best method of contributing is joining the job force as a way to help your family.

The conversation was interesting for several reasons, one of which being a few parallels between his culture and mine. But by far the most informative statement was that in Mexico, if you do not have a high school degree or GED, you are not and cannot ever be eligible for promotions.  

For a single moment I thought of the foundational idea of USA being the land of the "All-America Dream", where hard work and loyalty can sometimes pay off; because here we can begin at the bottom and move up; in fact their are several businesses that  make this a requirement.

For me it gave just a little more perspective. I thought about how big of a sacrifice it must be to not finish schooling knowing your decision is everlasting. That moment truly lends the question: To be educated or to contribute? I also thought of how this set-up lends to a common day caste system.  More specifically, how things change and yet they still remain the same.

Abe is a staff member here now because the non-profit initiative failed. Too many students found the lack of support too much to overcome; for with each day out of work, parents were upset and peers confused.  As a compromise, initially some students enrolled in school and had work; however in just a short period of time, found the this load to be too heavy, considering longs hours on the bus to get to and from work that was heavy in labor as well as having a long shift to make the best of the commute; they all bailed.

For me, coming from a a family and community filled with support I knew no other option but to complete high school and college as a minimum. I've never had to choose between education and income. Stories like this remind me of my blessings, remind me that the USA still has room for growth- as does the world itself. And lastly, reminds me that knowledge is power...so make sure you get some! 

Thirty before Thirty

About a month ago I turned 29! As I enter the last year of my twenties, there have been several interesting conversations sounding age:

- The last year of your twenties is the last year to get "it" out of your system. "It" here referring to foolish antics, irresponsible behavior, etc. This makes total sense; think about when you hear crazy stories from others or even on the news, one of the first questions: how old are they? This immediately grants the person some slack when in their twenties, but just as easily cast more judgement when in their thirties...or older

- Along the same lines is the idea that ones twenties are for enjoying life and making new experiences; which would imply that beyond your twenties the focus is more on being an adult; investing, settling down, making roots, etc.

- For women, it appears this is especially true in reference to making a family! Science tells us that most women will reach their sexual peak during this age range, instinctively the crescendo to a halt due to harsher child bearing years in ones forties.

- Research has also suggested that for some of the longest living folks in the world; their thirties was their favorite time frame; this was reportedly  due to balance between work and play; enjoying life through a different lens which was eased due to increased income and seeking a suitable companion for life which great memories were build with. 

I have no clue what my stance will be on the the decade of thirty in retrospect, but as it begins to peak over the horizon I've vowed to myself the following: I'm intentionally going out with a bang, I will not fall victim to judgements, and I will (without a doubt) enjoy this next chapter!

To hold myself accountable I've not only written out thirty things I'd like to do and/or try before thirty; I'm going to post them and share! I've only be 29 for about 30 days and already have some of these tasks lined up...trying to stay motivated for the follow thru! I also created a hashtag so I can easily reflect before the big 30!  I've  decided anything I don't accomplish before thirty will be goals to tackle within the general sense of life. #nojudgements

I challenge you to keep me grinding with my checklist. I also encourage you to make something similar for yourself! If you need an accountability partner, post your list in the comments- I'll check in! 

#tams30before30

1. Wanderlust - November

2. Salsa dance

3. Sky diving

4. Speed dating

5. Ride a ferry 

6. Nude house experience

7. Glass blowing class

8. Fruit picking 

9. Karaoke in public

10. Vagina steam

11. Concert outta town - August

12. Sporting event outta town

13. Zip line

14. Horseback riding

15. Get my makeup done at a professional counter- October

16. Create and order a custom pair of sneakers

17. Attend a networking event with intention

18. Sports/fitness class✔️

19. Bar-tending class

20. Pole class

21. Create a tasty meal (beverage, food)

22. Tackle the grill

23. Attend wind down Wednesday - September

24. Get aromatherapy educated

25. Plan and execute a stay-cation

26. Tevana life! 

27. MLK museum

28. Explore a local Georgia wonder

29. Oktoberfest - October

30. Climb Stone Mountain

Compliments & Smiles

Think fast: What do compliments and smiles have in common?

Response: They are free and seldom given.

Think about the last time you were given a compliment. What was it about? Who gave it to you? And how did it make you feel? Although there are a multitude of answers; I'd guess for most compliments were given to you by someone of the opposite sex about something very shallow or general like clothing or hair.

Don't get me wrong- all compliments are nice but when is the last time someone  complimented you? Meaning, provided you with a compliment  regarding  something that only you possess- like your smile, or intelligence, or maybe even your heart?

Now the other part is...when a compliment is given it must also be well received. The last time I was complimented, and yes it was by the opposite sex, I'm admit, I felt a bit awkward as I awaited the additional and typical foolish and out of pocket comments to follow, but they didn't and my awkward response turned into blubbering.

It was then I realized that hand in hand with chivalry, compliments are fading; but only if we let them! 

So what does this mean?  It means each of us should do better with gracefully receiving compliments when they are given and each of us should hand them out like fliers in college because they are free! 

We already tell our friends about the lady with great hair or awesome fashion...but did you tell that lady herself...that her swag-bag was running over?  How great would it be for other women to give you compliments and vice versa?  Perhaps this will balance the times we so readily tell folks about themselves; for example when it comes to feeling disrespected.

And let's push the limit with "homie-lover/friend", try requesting more compliments  beyond our women-ly characteristics. We cannot continue to make it so easy for the suggestive comment regarding sexuality and related context. Instead let's strive for compliments that are truly original, that are deeper than superficial offerings.

Maybe with a bit of repetition with these few approaches compliments will be more common and truly appreciated. Maybe with practice this can breath life into chivalry.  Then again maybe it won't. Instead it may only make you smile, but I think all these possibilities make it well worth it! 

So I challenge you: compliment 1 women a week for the remainder of the summer, receive your next 5 compliments gracefully, and shower your "homie-lover/friend" with compliments of substance to maybe start a trend.

Cries to my Father

I woke up with a heavy heart and masked myself for the day. I went to work and probably snapped on a few people; overall peaking and valley-ing as the work day passed.  I kept myself busy and didn't really think about the heaviness I was carrying...didn't make the time.

I stopped at a store this evening and while waiting scrolled my social media time line. In only a few minutes my mask unraveled itself. I immediately felt a lump in my throat which I tried to hold there as I walked to my car. I rode in near silence as I began breathing heavily in attempts to "stay calm" and "keep it together".

But as I saw my house, a tear touched my cheek. As I turned in the driveway tears puddled my eyes. My holding and waiting gave way to crying, crying so hard I barley put my car in park. 

My tears and crying gave way to sobbing which grew to trembling and shallow gasps for air. Then I heard a voice, my father, concerned yet calm inquiring: "what's wrong".  He waited patiently then intently listened as I shared with him my burden, my thoughts,  concerns and worries.  I told him I was angry, scared, and disappointed. I asked him for answers and explained how my mind was filled with randomized thoughts as I crave a solution.

He listened and was supportive as we talked. I'll spare all the details. But his message was clear: " Unfortunately history repeats itself, and yes change is hard, but a problem of this magnitude will not be solved overnight as there are so many pieces that need active solutions."

And just as I found myself calming down, I looked at him and said "thank you"; only to find myself in tears again as he had demonstrated (in what felt like a millisecond) why our Kings are so precious and I was reminded (in that millisecond) what we continue to lose with each death.

#blacklivesmatter #seeksolutions #createchange