Life check 1-2-1-2

It seems like only a few weeks ago I had just counted down to the start of a new year, filled with nothing short of countless opportunities. With this in mind, I began this blog and amongst my first entries was content related to my vision board. To be more direct I previously stated:

"In summation: I imagine I will become a first time home-buyer and take steps to further my career while spending my free time traveling, getting healthy, and enjoying new experiences.  I was inspired to complete a 2014 "bucket list" which lists the various places and activities I'd like to experience in the next 360 days."

So as the year of 2014 goes fleeting by, I noted only about 140 days are due before 2015 dawns upon us. So in the spirit of progress and forward movement I decided I should communicate a public update and creed to complete a handful more tasks before the years end.

The year is not over yet but I have definitely made some major moves. I had some hills in valleys regarding consistency of blog posts; but have been doing better and for the year have 18 posts. I plan to keep posting twice a month until 2015.

In my work category, I am now a forensic interviewer; meaning I now have a career, in fact I have attained my dream job. What a blessing to have done so before age 30!

Although I gave not become a home owner and I won't be one before 2015; I have moved into an apartment and have not lost the dream or long term goal of being a homeowner someday.

For health and fitness I have completed my first ever 5k and am training for another one before the year ends; this training includes waist training which should also help to get me bikini ready even if results arrive after beach season-LOL.

I have been even less consistent with positive affirmations and meditation; bottom line is it's hard and quite frankly I'd rather not. So as a solution I am currently researching local yoga studios to assist with this task.

Eating healthy is a lifestyle and much like any other habit such as biting your nails, I have been on and off the wagon; currently I am on and do well but I still have much room for improvement.  For the month I have committed to eating smoothies for breakfast and salads fur lunch with a balanced dinner at least Monday thru Friday.

My savings have fluctuated throughout the year with so much movement in my lifestyle and partaking in various experiences; for 2015 I'll be sure to select a predetermined amount to save such that I be better able to track my progress.

Travel has been great! I attended Essence and have planned an international trip for early fall  to London.  In addition, I hope to squeeze in a beach trip as well. 

These experiences were listed on my bucket list of activities for the year: gun range, fork and screen, Skydiving, Ferris Wheel, Andretti Go-Kart, etc. The list was over zealous and anything not completed in 2014 will simply roll over to the new year.

Whew! That was a lot. Now I recall how I high I set the bar and how far I've come in achieving task this year! For those of you who also created or developed vision boards or something of the sort, when is the last time you checked your progress?! For me it's nothing like physically checking an item of my to do list, I encourage you to do the same. For those that didn't make a board, just take the time to reflect on you accomplishments and forward movement over the year to date, give yourself credit because credit is due, then challenge yourself to do more. Like coach used to say- FINISH STRONG & GOOD LUCK :)

Extra Yarn by Mac Barnett

Today I read a book. It wasn't from Oprah's book club or the latest top seller's list; It wasn't even a book in a reading club or suggested by a friend, colleague, or confidant; it was a children's book. Plain and simple! it came complete with illustrations and short text as well.  

Extra Yarn is an extraordinary children's story that cannot be retold without the illustrations; so google it at minimum or stop by your local book store for the full effect. The story narrates a young girl who essentially yarns everyone she meets and her town. It's amazing that her yarn is never-ending. It's mystifying that this box filled with yarn found her specifically and she never tires or bores with it's simplistic activity. It's eye opening how she stunts the town and all it's people by adding color to there typical black and white; not just in how they dress- but how they live as well.

So why was I reading this book?! Welp, I was told this girl was much like me with her box of yarn.  More specifically that her yarn so easily resembled friendship, which is an art I selectively craft. With this idea- she cloaks her friendship upon others in her neighborhood, school, and community. Those who seek her are turned away- due to their ill intentions and overall being ill hearted. Even those who are skeptical or jealous are privy to her giving.

In the most simplistic sense- isn't it giving that leads to friendship. Not just the giving of material things but givings of oneself: time, advice, love, care, concern, and affection. It is these things that make friendship different from partnership; but how often is this forgotten?

 So I challenge you to reflect in yours friendships. Are you really being a friend? Or more like an associate- which is another word often used in the business world? I challenge you to be active in your friendship. True enough not all friendships require lots of time or activity-but they all do require care and attention. Are you neglecting your friends? Are you falsely claiming others as friend or they you when in reality the "-ship" you are in is so far from?

How interesting the label friend is used: in kindergarten friendship was earned because the girl next to me wanted to swing at recess. In high school friendship was earned because she kept my secret. In college, she was a friend because she didn't judge my actions while enduring growing pains. But now she earned it because________ (fill in the blank)..and go be a friend!

Get up, Get out, & Do Something :)

Ladies and Gentemen- get up!  That's right, shake off your slumming it Sunday routine and try something new.  It's called getting out- and no,  I do not mean getting out in the streets or socializing on your favorite social scene.  Instead, do something!

YES! Reclaim being active, shake off the sedentary lifestyle that is claiming such a large portion of the population.  Lead by example for your family and your community in being a exemplar of what being active is.  So yes, this goes beyond cardio in the bedroom and will require some additional activities to your current routine.

Contrary to propaganda and the generalized idea of sedentarism; this behavior goes way beyond meeting a daily or weekly amount of exercise; instead recent research indicates that less time spent sitting is just as important.  Long story short- just standing is a start to shift from sedentary behaviors and sedentary lifestyle. 

I know what you're thinking...I'm thinking it to: "Ain't no-body got time for that"!And I agree! Except for the reoccurring thought that I often say the same thing until it's time for a turn up or family function that I wouldn't miss for the world.  So, if you are anything like me, then you too often make time or find time for things; typically things that incorporate some socializing or are overall important or enjoyable to you! 

That in fact is the struggle: find the time to be active.  Make time for being active!  Perhaps a solution is to make your activity social as well; introduce yourself to others at your local YMCA or LA fitness or ask friends from your current social circles to partake in some more active activities.  Try something new like joining a kickball league or coaching your kids soccer team.

Perhaps knowing the facts would serve as a motivator: what do your genetics tell you about your potential future?  What are your current health green, yellow, and red lights?  Perhaps you should try something that you find appealing; maybe you don't like being outside- then find an indoor activity; maybe you don't like the gym, then find a dance studio; there are many many many different activities available to each and every one of us; you might have to be creative but there is likely one out there for you. 

For those of you that are already active and have committed yourself to incorporating activity as part of your lifestyle; I challenge you to reach out to a friend or co-worker that  might need a partner or an extra nudge to get things started.  Leading by example is great but encouraging others is also part of being a leader.

For those of you that have tried to become active and "fallen off the wagon"- get back on.  Each day on the wagon is better than no day on the wagon at all AND this is one area of life where trying definitely matters.  Try a different activity.  Try a different approach: jumping into a new lifestyle as opposed to taking baby steps or vice-versa.  Make an investment- like a gym membership or new fitness gear.  Perhaps having incentives like taking a trip once you reach a specific goal or even having a goal like a run or competition as a due-date to check you progress would be helpful.

Bottom line is TRY and KEEP TRYING! And once you have conquered being active- pass on the greatness that you feel now and the struggles it took you to get to where you are to others.

What is ESSENCE

As i made last preparations for my holiday I weekend...I began to think about what I was doing and where I was going and overall questioned what the deeper meaning of Essence Festival is.

Being analytical in almost all I do my first inquiries led me to Webster. What is the definition of essence? Perhaps this could set the tone for a festival of such great magnitude. 

Essence: (noun) the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features

Sounds simple enough in a general sense, but when applied to a festival- how radical, welcoming, and all around powerful. I'm not sure what this means to you, but to me- the bottom line is: come celebrate being you. Now we are all very much aware of how complex and complicated humans are- from the physiological aspect of the body and genetics and health to the psychological elements regarding thoughts, emotions, and culture. But how awesome is it that these complexities and nuances are the exact ingredients of this party.

Party- yes I mean the festival itself. Filled with activities, guest speakers, music, and food.  With common themes of self-empowerment, self-care and health; entertainment by legends, lyricists, and musical poets; and of course faith, food, and fellowship.

Even more interesting is it that this event takes places over Independence Day weekend. My thought:  when would there be a better time? Is Independence Day not about freedom? How much more free can you be- after all, the only criteria necessary is being true.

But there lies the struggle- for some the question becomes what is true? Who am I being true too? It is myself? My loved ones? Society?  What am I being true for? What's my cause or stand? For others- it's not who or what but rather when and where? When is the time to be my true self? Perhaps your job or community finds your truest self to be eclectic or ethnic- so where is it acceptable or maybe even refreshing to be free and unconstrained? But the largest question is why: why must these other parameters even be considered? Why can't we just be?

So as I close my suitcase and close this post- I've never been more pleased with wearing red white and blue, been more proud of being an African American, been more more aware of who I am and my purpose, or simply been more excited to board a plane! I'm definitely ready to "party with a purpose".  So get to know your true self and be free wherever you are this holiday weekend.

#essencefest #nola 

Fathers And Mothers

Father's Day is typically the third Sunday of June. Most often, it seems, individuals give there father items such as ties and cards; this tradition of sorts begins as young children and appears to be a trend that doesn't change but sometimes stops as they grow older. Even more interesting is it that mothers on the other hand are showered with gifts, sales, brunches, and tea parties on their complementary day- Mother's Day, which falls on the second Sunday in May.

Now, I'm not saying one is more important that the other or even that this approach is wrong; in all actuality both occasions appear to have become Hallmark holidays; which means the goal of gaining profit as organizations and companies as opposed to celebrating a specific individual or event has taken priority.  These holidays have lost meaning in that the commercialized response of media and propaganda has taken over. Truthfully, we could and should show appreciation towards our mothers and fathers any and all days of the year; instead expectations of gifts have been developed for these particular days.

What I will say is how interesting this marked difference is in the overall scheme of life and many family dynamics. Beginning with child conception, it is often argued that mothers have a heavier responsibility to bare in comparison to their father counterparts; some would argue this point beginning with menstruation; not to mention the daily emotional roller coaster rides and never-ending nurturing, mothers are expected to provide; as well as the more traditional household duties like making lunches, attending PTA meetings, and contributing to the kiddie car-pool.  But, the opposite gender role, is in full effect with our fathers whose appearance brings protection and whose most concentrated trait is status; more simply stated, being able to consistently provide for his family.

So the question becomes, why is there such a big difference in the celebration of Mother's Day versus Father's Day? Is this marked difference an illustration of the relationships mothers and fathers have with their children? How can this be fixed?

Perhaps we start repairing by encouraging fathers to be fathers which is more than just being a man; empowering children by role modeling and impacting them with legitimate quality time. By starting here I believe the cycle of "dead-beat-dads" will stop and empowered and respectable active fathers will start. This will hopefully jump start "daddy's princesses" to seek out kings and strive to be queens on a throne- all of their own; and encourage princes' to learn first hand man-hood and take the throne without feeling rushed and lost or on a mission to mis-prove others as opposed to striving for their own excellence.

Furthermore, for the fathers that are active participants in the lives of their children, I encourage mothers to shower them with praise and appreciation and yes- even gifts. Simply summed: Give in June what you received in May.

Let me be clear, in that the struggle goes way beyond the celebration of Mother's Day and Father's Day. But let me also be clear that even if you do celebrate, their is likely room for growth. Let it also be understood that I myself am included in the need for growth. And lastly, let it be said that I am aware that there are some exceptions to the rule as well as some special cases.

So where's the struggle...it's in realizing the relationship you have with your parents and deciding if it's the relationship you want? Is it the type if relationship you would like for your children to have with their mother or father? Are you stopping the cycle? Are you affording opportunities for quality time with both parents? Do you openly bash the parent that's less active in your child's presence?  Reflecting back, if your child mimics what you have with your mother or father would you feel validated and whole?  If not- make a plan to mend the past and actively restore the present for the future. For some, an even bigger struggle will be finding peace within themselves in regards to the parents, mother and/ or father, that was a let down, disappeared, or was always an unknown. No matter what your specific family dynamic is, strive to improve your family tree. Begin now, with your generation. The actual day for showering each parent with extra attention is great, but is only the starting point- it's up to you to encourage and influence growth in regards to child-parent relationships as time presses forward. So much like a sale...hurry before it's too late!

Who is Chivalry

A while back I was at work when a teacher said aloud: chivalry?! A young boy in the class responded: who is chivalry?...where he at?

Although in the moment this instance was amusing at minimum and funny to most; it also sparked a conversation amongst the staff.  Is chivalry dead? Is it dying more and more with each generation? Or is he still around but lazy and only showing himself for limited time offers or brief introductions?

As the conversation grew I gave it much thought. According to Webster, chivalry is a system of values, honor and loyalty, that was to be follow by knights in the Middle Ages on a moral and values system.  In a more practical sense it is an honorable and polite way of behaving, especially towards women.

Of course most females argue that chivalry isn't necessarily dead but it's not exactly alive and well either. Most experience chivalry for small spurts of time with male company; the occasional door opening or offering of a jacket or seat. However even then these acts are not done by strangers but rather by men you know or associate with. Even when it's a new relationship it appears the acts are motivated by self gain such as impressing your company on a date or in mixed company.  When these acts are completed by a total stranger the skepticism is even higher.

On the other-side, argued by mostly males, is the claim that chivalry isn't dead but rather independent women do not give chivalry a chance. So often do women open their own doors and pride themselves on being self made or independent that their leaves no room for anyone or anything else.

So what's the struggle? Everything to this point seemed straightforward; however we must empower our youth! Introduce young men to chivalry- but not just through words but also with actions; leading by example. We must also find a balance between being independent and allowing men to be men. Of course this is harder said than done. When I'm out and about and men open my door or offer their seat I'm anticipating some weak pick up line as I assume there must have been an angle to their portrayed kindness. It is these doubts that must be eased- we as women must simply give guys a chance.

I challenge each of you to empower not just youth but also your peers with respect. Encourage males to be chivalrous; acknowledge their kindness and efforts, say thank you and don't fear there response. Teach females to be independent and furthermore to understand the difference between when to implement this quality and when not to; just like any other trait there is a time and place.   Although this is just the tip of the iceberg... It's something to work with: The first step toward reviving chivalry.

3 Years Past

The number 3 is such an interesting number. It appears in various contexts ranging from nursery rhymes with the 3 little pigs or 3 blind mice to modem day teachings such as past, present, and future and slogans like live, laugh, love.  Oddly enough it's not a number used to measure time often- so why did I use it?!

In light of recent conversation with 2 good friends we reflected back on the past 3 years. As far as I can tell the number itself was pulled out the air but none the less it provided structure for the content of our talk.   Both friends stated the last 3 years has passed and they had minimal accomplishments. More specifically it was stated that nothing has changed. And even more directly that nothing had changed in their love life, career, or living situation- yet again another "big three".

I sat in awe, dumbstruck by such a bold statement. To which I replied these anchoring categories were simply a poor measure. Life is much too complex to quantify by three arenas. Before I could catch myself, the words came pouring from my mouth, much like waterfall I vocalized limitless experiences from the past 3 years for myself and the others that were present. Some of which related to the aforementioned big three some of which was unable to be categorized as it was just that awesome! From traveling to Europe and the Mid-West to applying for different jobs in different states to being open to new relations and volunteering with all your heart...and this is just the abbreviated- less detailed list for sure.

It was in that moment that I noted how easy it is to compartmentalize our lives and the lives of others with focusing on only the big picture; and keeping the "finish line" in view. And although this keeps thoughts brief and keeps lists short it losses sight of all the smaller (but just as important) efforts and life lessons gained. No artistic masterpiece was just developed and categorized as greatness. Instead it was marveled and analyzed; from the colors and materials used to the technique implemented! These smaller characteristics is what makes a Picasso a Picasso as opposed to a "Not-so". So why is it that we choose not to include our "brush-strokes"  which details failed attempts, detours, and obstacles to our method to life's madness as we recount of lives.

 So where is the struggle in that?! Plain and simple: give yourself credit where credit is due. Be analytical of the pros and cons, count your positives and your negatives- this includes failed attempts as all efforts matter and help shape the next decision. So I challenge you, such that the next time you reflect you use wide brush strokes to evaluate forward movement instead of a broad overview of how you feel the end goal is no-where in sight. If your results are similar to mine- your art will be a masterpiece: Marvel at your mistakes. Be bold and embrace your blemishes. Smile at your strides towards excellence.  Then tuck away your creation  for another 3 years or whatever time period you decide and do it all again.