Superheroes and Heroes

Growing up we all had a superheroes; for some this was the excitement of Saturday morning (...cartoons); for others this was a daily past time- be it watching television or reading comics.  Not only were we watching these shows, we wanted all types of merchandise as well; clothes, camping gear, school supplies, and games.  And, let’s not forget the endless hours of play filled by reenacting our favorite episodes with friends.

 

Superheroes have super powers- flying, invisibility, living forever.  They have capes and a side-kick complete with secret signals and communications as well as a secret hide out; groups of super heroes have matching outfits, catch phrases, and rituals they display before embarking upon saving the world or completing their specific mission.

I have no idea where or when I realized the distinction between superheroes and heroes.  It’s something I had not thought about.  Is this a natural occurrence that took place due to age and maturity or a change of thought based on more knowledge about the world or just simply letting go of fantasies?  We could go on and on to debate about who is the greatest superhero of all time; but now as a grown-up, I wonder if a better question is: who is the greatest hero of all time?

Upon first thought the two titles appear almost interchangeable or one being a subculture of the other; but they are literally worlds apart.  Heroes are the real life superheroes; they save the world, complete missions, and start movements; all with nothing more than the same ordinary materials that I myself posses too.  Heroes take a stand and develop organization, empower the people around them, and serve their community.  Their work and legacy is remarkable.  They do not seek out fame or honors or even recognition for what they do; in fact some remain nameless in regards to what they have contributed.

So where is the struggle in that?  Not so much a struggle that is visible but one that could possibly be within.  Are you a hero?  Have you taken a stand, been an outstanding leader, encouraged your community for growth, or empowered a group of your choice?  I challenge you to do so.  This is far beyond a donation. This is an effort to cause change simply because you see a problem and have solutions to offer.  This is an effort to bring awareness not because it’s the media’s hot topic of the hour, day, or week but because you seek growth for the future.  This is an inward reflection of self: Are you leaving a legacy? 

Perhaps this is not a desire you have; or you haven’t yet found a cause to be passionate about.  Perhaps you have no experience that sparks inspiration and ignites a yearning for change.  This is me- I have several thoughts but not one that truly captivates my heart.  So instead I thought about who my heroes are; both historical and present day.  So I challenge you to do the same.  Much like my favorite superheroes; I wanted to be them; so by identifying my heroes, I can better myself in the process and honor them by paying homage.  So go out be great.  Inspire the next generation and respect the generation that came before.      

 

A job is a job is a job- or not?

I once was told that people find themselves drawn to jobs based on just a few critical points:

For some job choice is economically effective-the job has the most "bang for your buck" so to speak. Of course it's not that simple- these individuals tend to seek the ultimate package of greatest perks or benefits with maximum payout; so not just does the salary need to meet expectations but the PTO and/or sick hours do too. As well as hours required and other various incentives.

For some work is just easy; the tasks required come easy and for some the opportunity itself comes easy as well.  These positions may not even feel like work on a day to day basis as the required deliverables are met without much effort; no stress, no exhaustion- over simplicity is key here. Don't get me wrong, it's not that the job requires mindless drone but rather the individual is capable of much more mentally exhausting work- they just prefer not to do so.

For some work is something they enjoy. This is the set of individuals that find them eager to rise and shine. When asked about their job they beam with excitement and joy- they love their job and tend to view it as more than just a means to an end but rather an extension of who they truly are.

I sat and wondered: Are these selections mutually exclusive or is there likely overlap between each sector? Can you simply move from one sector to another or must you bridge over through the overlap? In moving from one sector to another, can it be done by simply changing your thinking or must a change in the job itself (be it title, agency, otherwise) change as well?

So where is the struggle? For some it will be getting a job in general. But for those with jobs the question of reflection is "Where do you fall?"  Is your current situation one of economic efficiency, ease, or joy? What does that say about who you are? What does it say about what you do?

For me, I have a job I currently love but before I had a job of ease simply because it was easy to acquire and keep.  I don't think I was aware of how much my placement effected me. Personally, having a job that utilized my education has been a goal, as well as having a job I enjoy! It doesn't mean I don't ever have a case of the Mondays but it does mean that most days I'm overjoyed with starting my day. I believe in what I do and the mission of where I work. I consider myself lucky and continue on- cautiously optimistic of future employment endeavors.

Life check 1-2-1-2

It seems like only a few weeks ago I had just counted down to the start of a new year, filled with nothing short of countless opportunities. With this in mind, I began this blog and amongst my first entries was content related to my vision board. To be more direct I previously stated:

"In summation: I imagine I will become a first time home-buyer and take steps to further my career while spending my free time traveling, getting healthy, and enjoying new experiences.  I was inspired to complete a 2014 "bucket list" which lists the various places and activities I'd like to experience in the next 360 days."

So as the year of 2014 goes fleeting by, I noted only about 140 days are due before 2015 dawns upon us. So in the spirit of progress and forward movement I decided I should communicate a public update and creed to complete a handful more tasks before the years end.

The year is not over yet but I have definitely made some major moves. I had some hills in valleys regarding consistency of blog posts; but have been doing better and for the year have 18 posts. I plan to keep posting twice a month until 2015.

In my work category, I am now a forensic interviewer; meaning I now have a career, in fact I have attained my dream job. What a blessing to have done so before age 30!

Although I gave not become a home owner and I won't be one before 2015; I have moved into an apartment and have not lost the dream or long term goal of being a homeowner someday.

For health and fitness I have completed my first ever 5k and am training for another one before the year ends; this training includes waist training which should also help to get me bikini ready even if results arrive after beach season-LOL.

I have been even less consistent with positive affirmations and meditation; bottom line is it's hard and quite frankly I'd rather not. So as a solution I am currently researching local yoga studios to assist with this task.

Eating healthy is a lifestyle and much like any other habit such as biting your nails, I have been on and off the wagon; currently I am on and do well but I still have much room for improvement.  For the month I have committed to eating smoothies for breakfast and salads fur lunch with a balanced dinner at least Monday thru Friday.

My savings have fluctuated throughout the year with so much movement in my lifestyle and partaking in various experiences; for 2015 I'll be sure to select a predetermined amount to save such that I be better able to track my progress.

Travel has been great! I attended Essence and have planned an international trip for early fall  to London.  In addition, I hope to squeeze in a beach trip as well. 

These experiences were listed on my bucket list of activities for the year: gun range, fork and screen, Skydiving, Ferris Wheel, Andretti Go-Kart, etc. The list was over zealous and anything not completed in 2014 will simply roll over to the new year.

Whew! That was a lot. Now I recall how I high I set the bar and how far I've come in achieving task this year! For those of you who also created or developed vision boards or something of the sort, when is the last time you checked your progress?! For me it's nothing like physically checking an item of my to do list, I encourage you to do the same. For those that didn't make a board, just take the time to reflect on you accomplishments and forward movement over the year to date, give yourself credit because credit is due, then challenge yourself to do more. Like coach used to say- FINISH STRONG & GOOD LUCK :)

Extra Yarn by Mac Barnett

Today I read a book. It wasn't from Oprah's book club or the latest top seller's list; It wasn't even a book in a reading club or suggested by a friend, colleague, or confidant; it was a children's book. Plain and simple! it came complete with illustrations and short text as well.  

Extra Yarn is an extraordinary children's story that cannot be retold without the illustrations; so google it at minimum or stop by your local book store for the full effect. The story narrates a young girl who essentially yarns everyone she meets and her town. It's amazing that her yarn is never-ending. It's mystifying that this box filled with yarn found her specifically and she never tires or bores with it's simplistic activity. It's eye opening how she stunts the town and all it's people by adding color to there typical black and white; not just in how they dress- but how they live as well.

So why was I reading this book?! Welp, I was told this girl was much like me with her box of yarn.  More specifically that her yarn so easily resembled friendship, which is an art I selectively craft. With this idea- she cloaks her friendship upon others in her neighborhood, school, and community. Those who seek her are turned away- due to their ill intentions and overall being ill hearted. Even those who are skeptical or jealous are privy to her giving.

In the most simplistic sense- isn't it giving that leads to friendship. Not just the giving of material things but givings of oneself: time, advice, love, care, concern, and affection. It is these things that make friendship different from partnership; but how often is this forgotten?

 So I challenge you to reflect in yours friendships. Are you really being a friend? Or more like an associate- which is another word often used in the business world? I challenge you to be active in your friendship. True enough not all friendships require lots of time or activity-but they all do require care and attention. Are you neglecting your friends? Are you falsely claiming others as friend or they you when in reality the "-ship" you are in is so far from?

How interesting the label friend is used: in kindergarten friendship was earned because the girl next to me wanted to swing at recess. In high school friendship was earned because she kept my secret. In college, she was a friend because she didn't judge my actions while enduring growing pains. But now she earned it because________ (fill in the blank)..and go be a friend!

Get up, Get out, & Do Something :)

Ladies and Gentemen- get up!  That's right, shake off your slumming it Sunday routine and try something new.  It's called getting out- and no,  I do not mean getting out in the streets or socializing on your favorite social scene.  Instead, do something!

YES! Reclaim being active, shake off the sedentary lifestyle that is claiming such a large portion of the population.  Lead by example for your family and your community in being a exemplar of what being active is.  So yes, this goes beyond cardio in the bedroom and will require some additional activities to your current routine.

Contrary to propaganda and the generalized idea of sedentarism; this behavior goes way beyond meeting a daily or weekly amount of exercise; instead recent research indicates that less time spent sitting is just as important.  Long story short- just standing is a start to shift from sedentary behaviors and sedentary lifestyle. 

I know what you're thinking...I'm thinking it to: "Ain't no-body got time for that"!And I agree! Except for the reoccurring thought that I often say the same thing until it's time for a turn up or family function that I wouldn't miss for the world.  So, if you are anything like me, then you too often make time or find time for things; typically things that incorporate some socializing or are overall important or enjoyable to you! 

That in fact is the struggle: find the time to be active.  Make time for being active!  Perhaps a solution is to make your activity social as well; introduce yourself to others at your local YMCA or LA fitness or ask friends from your current social circles to partake in some more active activities.  Try something new like joining a kickball league or coaching your kids soccer team.

Perhaps knowing the facts would serve as a motivator: what do your genetics tell you about your potential future?  What are your current health green, yellow, and red lights?  Perhaps you should try something that you find appealing; maybe you don't like being outside- then find an indoor activity; maybe you don't like the gym, then find a dance studio; there are many many many different activities available to each and every one of us; you might have to be creative but there is likely one out there for you. 

For those of you that are already active and have committed yourself to incorporating activity as part of your lifestyle; I challenge you to reach out to a friend or co-worker that  might need a partner or an extra nudge to get things started.  Leading by example is great but encouraging others is also part of being a leader.

For those of you that have tried to become active and "fallen off the wagon"- get back on.  Each day on the wagon is better than no day on the wagon at all AND this is one area of life where trying definitely matters.  Try a different activity.  Try a different approach: jumping into a new lifestyle as opposed to taking baby steps or vice-versa.  Make an investment- like a gym membership or new fitness gear.  Perhaps having incentives like taking a trip once you reach a specific goal or even having a goal like a run or competition as a due-date to check you progress would be helpful.

Bottom line is TRY and KEEP TRYING! And once you have conquered being active- pass on the greatness that you feel now and the struggles it took you to get to where you are to others.

What is ESSENCE

As i made last preparations for my holiday I weekend...I began to think about what I was doing and where I was going and overall questioned what the deeper meaning of Essence Festival is.

Being analytical in almost all I do my first inquiries led me to Webster. What is the definition of essence? Perhaps this could set the tone for a festival of such great magnitude. 

Essence: (noun) the basic, real, and invariable nature of a thing or its significant individual feature or features

Sounds simple enough in a general sense, but when applied to a festival- how radical, welcoming, and all around powerful. I'm not sure what this means to you, but to me- the bottom line is: come celebrate being you. Now we are all very much aware of how complex and complicated humans are- from the physiological aspect of the body and genetics and health to the psychological elements regarding thoughts, emotions, and culture. But how awesome is it that these complexities and nuances are the exact ingredients of this party.

Party- yes I mean the festival itself. Filled with activities, guest speakers, music, and food.  With common themes of self-empowerment, self-care and health; entertainment by legends, lyricists, and musical poets; and of course faith, food, and fellowship.

Even more interesting is it that this event takes places over Independence Day weekend. My thought:  when would there be a better time? Is Independence Day not about freedom? How much more free can you be- after all, the only criteria necessary is being true.

But there lies the struggle- for some the question becomes what is true? Who am I being true too? It is myself? My loved ones? Society?  What am I being true for? What's my cause or stand? For others- it's not who or what but rather when and where? When is the time to be my true self? Perhaps your job or community finds your truest self to be eclectic or ethnic- so where is it acceptable or maybe even refreshing to be free and unconstrained? But the largest question is why: why must these other parameters even be considered? Why can't we just be?

So as I close my suitcase and close this post- I've never been more pleased with wearing red white and blue, been more proud of being an African American, been more more aware of who I am and my purpose, or simply been more excited to board a plane! I'm definitely ready to "party with a purpose".  So get to know your true self and be free wherever you are this holiday weekend.

#essencefest #nola 

Fathers And Mothers

Father's Day is typically the third Sunday of June. Most often, it seems, individuals give there father items such as ties and cards; this tradition of sorts begins as young children and appears to be a trend that doesn't change but sometimes stops as they grow older. Even more interesting is it that mothers on the other hand are showered with gifts, sales, brunches, and tea parties on their complementary day- Mother's Day, which falls on the second Sunday in May.

Now, I'm not saying one is more important that the other or even that this approach is wrong; in all actuality both occasions appear to have become Hallmark holidays; which means the goal of gaining profit as organizations and companies as opposed to celebrating a specific individual or event has taken priority.  These holidays have lost meaning in that the commercialized response of media and propaganda has taken over. Truthfully, we could and should show appreciation towards our mothers and fathers any and all days of the year; instead expectations of gifts have been developed for these particular days.

What I will say is how interesting this marked difference is in the overall scheme of life and many family dynamics. Beginning with child conception, it is often argued that mothers have a heavier responsibility to bare in comparison to their father counterparts; some would argue this point beginning with menstruation; not to mention the daily emotional roller coaster rides and never-ending nurturing, mothers are expected to provide; as well as the more traditional household duties like making lunches, attending PTA meetings, and contributing to the kiddie car-pool.  But, the opposite gender role, is in full effect with our fathers whose appearance brings protection and whose most concentrated trait is status; more simply stated, being able to consistently provide for his family.

So the question becomes, why is there such a big difference in the celebration of Mother's Day versus Father's Day? Is this marked difference an illustration of the relationships mothers and fathers have with their children? How can this be fixed?

Perhaps we start repairing by encouraging fathers to be fathers which is more than just being a man; empowering children by role modeling and impacting them with legitimate quality time. By starting here I believe the cycle of "dead-beat-dads" will stop and empowered and respectable active fathers will start. This will hopefully jump start "daddy's princesses" to seek out kings and strive to be queens on a throne- all of their own; and encourage princes' to learn first hand man-hood and take the throne without feeling rushed and lost or on a mission to mis-prove others as opposed to striving for their own excellence.

Furthermore, for the fathers that are active participants in the lives of their children, I encourage mothers to shower them with praise and appreciation and yes- even gifts. Simply summed: Give in June what you received in May.

Let me be clear, in that the struggle goes way beyond the celebration of Mother's Day and Father's Day. But let me also be clear that even if you do celebrate, their is likely room for growth. Let it also be understood that I myself am included in the need for growth. And lastly, let it be said that I am aware that there are some exceptions to the rule as well as some special cases.

So where's the struggle...it's in realizing the relationship you have with your parents and deciding if it's the relationship you want? Is it the type if relationship you would like for your children to have with their mother or father? Are you stopping the cycle? Are you affording opportunities for quality time with both parents? Do you openly bash the parent that's less active in your child's presence?  Reflecting back, if your child mimics what you have with your mother or father would you feel validated and whole?  If not- make a plan to mend the past and actively restore the present for the future. For some, an even bigger struggle will be finding peace within themselves in regards to the parents, mother and/ or father, that was a let down, disappeared, or was always an unknown. No matter what your specific family dynamic is, strive to improve your family tree. Begin now, with your generation. The actual day for showering each parent with extra attention is great, but is only the starting point- it's up to you to encourage and influence growth in regards to child-parent relationships as time presses forward. So much like a sale...hurry before it's too late!

Who is Chivalry

A while back I was at work when a teacher said aloud: chivalry?! A young boy in the class responded: who is chivalry?...where he at?

Although in the moment this instance was amusing at minimum and funny to most; it also sparked a conversation amongst the staff.  Is chivalry dead? Is it dying more and more with each generation? Or is he still around but lazy and only showing himself for limited time offers or brief introductions?

As the conversation grew I gave it much thought. According to Webster, chivalry is a system of values, honor and loyalty, that was to be follow by knights in the Middle Ages on a moral and values system.  In a more practical sense it is an honorable and polite way of behaving, especially towards women.

Of course most females argue that chivalry isn't necessarily dead but it's not exactly alive and well either. Most experience chivalry for small spurts of time with male company; the occasional door opening or offering of a jacket or seat. However even then these acts are not done by strangers but rather by men you know or associate with. Even when it's a new relationship it appears the acts are motivated by self gain such as impressing your company on a date or in mixed company.  When these acts are completed by a total stranger the skepticism is even higher.

On the other-side, argued by mostly males, is the claim that chivalry isn't dead but rather independent women do not give chivalry a chance. So often do women open their own doors and pride themselves on being self made or independent that their leaves no room for anyone or anything else.

So what's the struggle? Everything to this point seemed straightforward; however we must empower our youth! Introduce young men to chivalry- but not just through words but also with actions; leading by example. We must also find a balance between being independent and allowing men to be men. Of course this is harder said than done. When I'm out and about and men open my door or offer their seat I'm anticipating some weak pick up line as I assume there must have been an angle to their portrayed kindness. It is these doubts that must be eased- we as women must simply give guys a chance.

I challenge each of you to empower not just youth but also your peers with respect. Encourage males to be chivalrous; acknowledge their kindness and efforts, say thank you and don't fear there response. Teach females to be independent and furthermore to understand the difference between when to implement this quality and when not to; just like any other trait there is a time and place.   Although this is just the tip of the iceberg... It's something to work with: The first step toward reviving chivalry.

3 Years Past

The number 3 is such an interesting number. It appears in various contexts ranging from nursery rhymes with the 3 little pigs or 3 blind mice to modem day teachings such as past, present, and future and slogans like live, laugh, love.  Oddly enough it's not a number used to measure time often- so why did I use it?!

In light of recent conversation with 2 good friends we reflected back on the past 3 years. As far as I can tell the number itself was pulled out the air but none the less it provided structure for the content of our talk.   Both friends stated the last 3 years has passed and they had minimal accomplishments. More specifically it was stated that nothing has changed. And even more directly that nothing had changed in their love life, career, or living situation- yet again another "big three".

I sat in awe, dumbstruck by such a bold statement. To which I replied these anchoring categories were simply a poor measure. Life is much too complex to quantify by three arenas. Before I could catch myself, the words came pouring from my mouth, much like waterfall I vocalized limitless experiences from the past 3 years for myself and the others that were present. Some of which related to the aforementioned big three some of which was unable to be categorized as it was just that awesome! From traveling to Europe and the Mid-West to applying for different jobs in different states to being open to new relations and volunteering with all your heart...and this is just the abbreviated- less detailed list for sure.

It was in that moment that I noted how easy it is to compartmentalize our lives and the lives of others with focusing on only the big picture; and keeping the "finish line" in view. And although this keeps thoughts brief and keeps lists short it losses sight of all the smaller (but just as important) efforts and life lessons gained. No artistic masterpiece was just developed and categorized as greatness. Instead it was marveled and analyzed; from the colors and materials used to the technique implemented! These smaller characteristics is what makes a Picasso a Picasso as opposed to a "Not-so". So why is it that we choose not to include our "brush-strokes"  which details failed attempts, detours, and obstacles to our method to life's madness as we recount of lives.

 So where is the struggle in that?! Plain and simple: give yourself credit where credit is due. Be analytical of the pros and cons, count your positives and your negatives- this includes failed attempts as all efforts matter and help shape the next decision. So I challenge you, such that the next time you reflect you use wide brush strokes to evaluate forward movement instead of a broad overview of how you feel the end goal is no-where in sight. If your results are similar to mine- your art will be a masterpiece: Marvel at your mistakes. Be bold and embrace your blemishes. Smile at your strides towards excellence.  Then tuck away your creation  for another 3 years or whatever time period you decide and do it all again.

Haitus

Haitus: “a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, action, etc.”

 

 

Pardon my interruption: the past several weeks have been riddled with curveballs and down right land-minds.  As such, I took a hiatus from many people and things including- my writing, reading, and this blog.  Interestingly enough, I now feel refreshed in these areas with a wealth of varied topics and food for thought to share. 

While on my hiatus I have taken time to smell the roses if you will.  I have made new friends, where I least expected them.  Learned things about myself that I was clueless about.  And enjoyed many others things around me! 

So what’s the big deal right? Doesn’t everyone  have bumps in the road?  Does anyone escape life without obstacles along the way?  So where is the struggle you ask?  The struggle is in enjoying the small pleasantries in life without feeling guilty of like you’ve missed out on something else.  So often do I live with each moment fleeting by instead of enjoying and relishing in each minute of the day.  So often am I thinking about traffic and rush hour before I even see the interstate.  Regularly, I plan my life, which in and of itself is fine but while planning…what have I been missing?

So I challenge others to take a timeout! If you always drink Starbucks coffee try a different flavor or a different place! If you always talk on the phone before bed, read a poem on the floor instead.  If you always listen to music on your ride to work, try rolling down the windows and listening to wind in the trees.  Instead of ordering dessert, make some cupcakes and lick the spoon.  Instead of calling the receptionist at work walk down to their desk and reminder her about a client.  The bottom line- take a break from your regularly scheduled program. 

Know that it is okay to press pause.  Enjoy a few moments to yourself-- often.  Take the time to regain your focus, breath , relax, and get back to your regularly scheduled program.

Are You Mary Jane?

I finally watched the movie and full series of being Mary Jane which aired on BET and concluded last month. There was a good amount of conversation prompted by the show as it portrayed a 38 year old African American women who is career driven  but  appears lacking in countless other areas of life- especially love and pursuing her "happily ever after".  Without giving too much away- her mother suffered from the disease lupus, her older brother is a recovering drug addict, her younger brother is a  "professional student" that also deals drugs, and her father is the head of the household trying to keep all his ducks in a row. Meanwhile Mary Jane, played by Gabrielle Union, provides [money] to her family when needed and often deflects her shortcomings in life by almost fixating on her extended family and countless hours devoted to her work; along the way, she attempts to engage in relationships as a foundation for her happily ever after.

I will admit, I'm a bit behind the curve on the show as the last episode aired in February; but as the show became a conversation piece especially within the African American community and also in comparison to the character Olivia Pope, played by Kerry Washington, I was persuaded to invest some time on the trending topic. As the series continued to gain steam and her goals were projected on my personal television screen, one episode after another, I found myself wiping tears from my cheeks: her struggle is REAL. This series illustrated the struggle of truly having it all; as black women set standards but continue to seek love within her race while pursuing careers or furthering their educational expertise.  I am this women!

As Georgia Tech alum that also earned a masters degree before the age of 25; that has recently been blessed with an opportunity to begin a career related to my degrees before the age of 30- I can easily see myself and close friends living the struggle that Mary Jane so clearly illustrates.  This has been a topic of conversation between myself and several friends, associates, and co-workers as we often feel pressured to accept the possibility that we cannot have it all and that if we do the happily ever after will not be upheld to our ideal standard. The doubt creeps in: "maybe I can't have it all", "perhaps my standards are too strict", "it must just be me".

The struggle pursued by Mary Jane made my heart heavy and poured over my eyelids in a brief moment of silence but later escalated to tumultuous tears much like the waterfall in Niagara.  The realism of her situation and it's applicability to my life currently and as the future turns present and passes with rising and setting of the sun; this struggle is real, even if not in its true form but in our thoughts and actions. 

If you have not yet seen the movie or series I challenge you to do so; especially if you are female and/or African American.  If you find yourself in the pursue of love, happiness, or enjoyment of your happily ever after- you should watch it too.   For those of you who relate to the storyline and the ideals presented;I challenge you: dare to be bold! Release your stresses and relax your mind in relation to this topic.  Feel free in knowing you are not alone and accepting that true love, everlasting love cannot be rushed. Have faith in yourself that when the time and person is right you will know. Have faith that your happily ever after is coming we are all someone's princess en route to becoming a queen.  Are you ready?  So learn your lessons along the way, not just cooking and cleaning but communicating effectively and refining morals such as faith and loyalty.  Do you take this dare?! You should...because I'm hopeful and optimistic that a king specially selected for you awaits. 

   

                          

Life & Death

"Death gotta be easy, cuz life is hard-it'll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scared."

Life is not something anyone of us asked for; but rather it is given. No one opts into this world. To be given life, someone else makes that decision or carries out plans that result in your conception.

In almost the same way, most do not chose death either. There are some individual choices that can be made which can increase the likelihood of death or decrease the longevity of life; but typically- death comes upon you and only some are prompted before the inevitable.

Life is a gift that is given. And death is the conclusion to your lifetime. All this information is logical and common knowledge- it is no mystery. But the struggle is making your life worth while- better stated, it's in truly living!  Living life to the fullest in spite of everything else: overcoming obstacles, enduring growing pains, making goals and reaching them or at least trying, being better than those who came before you, and leaving a legacy for those who come after.

So I challenge you to live long and prosper ( as cliche as that sounds). But know that daily there will be struggles and understand that doubts will cross your mind- but let these doubts fleet by leaving little to no trace and not swaying the journey ahead of you; let each struggle you overcome  strengthen and teach you for the next. And I challenge you to share these experiences- good and bad- with family and friends to help them through their lifetime as well.

Some things are obvious like life and death as well as; the idea that life is hard and dealing with the death of others is too. But while you're living, get strong: mentally, physically, and emotionally. While you're living, be joyful, loving, and free-spirited.  Empower yourself and those around you. And hope for the best, look forward to longevity and in the event that life is cut short or the result is a long fulfilled life - one thing will be for sure: YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS!

** This is dedicated to and inspired by Beulah Smith: my great grandmother who passed away Monday- February 23, 2014; after truly living her life of 90 years. As a mother of 12, she always made due with what she had and was always willing to share with others. She laughed often and loved hard. She brought out the best in those around her and stayed strong until she was called home by The Lord. May she rest in peace and never be forgotten.**

Girls night..IN

For those of us who are in our twenties or in college or maybe even on our way out if high school the weekend is a time to celebrate, enjoys friends and/or family, try new things and meet and greet new people.  However so often is it that each moment of the weekend although filled with fun, goes fleeting by- often leaving you more tired on Sunday night than you were on Friday after work or class- and to top it all of... it's time to start the cycle over again!

Personally, as a enjoy my mid-twenties in the great city that is Atlanta I often find myself in this constant rotation. Matter of fact the seven days of the week often resemble a 7 disc changer...remember those?!  Our days are often routine based and monotonous until the weekend with the exception of a happy hour or church once a week, and for some perhaps a date night with that someone special. And yes each's routine varies a little as some attend Zumba on Mondays and call there best friend on Thursdays; while others enjoy happy hour on Mondays and church on Wednesday- but the overall outline is the same: work, eat, sleep, then relax & party on the weekend.

Welp- this past weekend me and my crew reverted backwards, we regressed a little and took a trip down memory lane; we had a slumber party! Yes a small group of ladies gathered in lounge-wear and enjoyed great conversation, drinks, and each other's company. Being a little older this party not only had drinks and wine glasses as party favors but also permitted the luxury of a mini vacation to a local hotel; having a drink in hand as a looked over the crisp white linens with a peak of the skyline in Buckhead as the the backdrop was calming and rejuvenating. But don't be fooled just like any other all girls sleepover this one came with tons of laughs, getting chastised by authorities, endless laughs, story telling, and memories to bring us all together.

So where is the struggle in that?! The struggle is in the idea that growing up means clubbin and lounging and hanging out at bars on one end of the spectrum and being a home body that watches movies solo with wine after a bath every Friday while catching up on reality tv for the greater portion of Saturday only to prepare for the work week by cooking and cleaning after church on Sunday. So no matter where you fall on this continuum- I challenge you to step out the box; find your innocence and relive a piece of your childhood.


No-one is saying it must be a sleep over- there is a wide array of other options.  From attending a kids movie to making a suicide drink at the local arcade or skating rink, waiting on the porch for the sound of the ice cream track- (yep summer will be here before you know it) to strolling through the park with a popsicle in hand.  Remember the good ole days, before life became complex or calculated. Bring past memories to the present.  And if you are truly up for the challenge- don't do the journey alone, everyone knows: the more the merrier!

Triangles: from College to Career

We all know a triangle is a three sided shape that is a fundamental item in basic geometry.  And we all know that these triangles come in difference sizes and that the three sides can be in different lengths- which changes the overall shape of the triangle itself.  

Now in college I was introduced to another triangle.  Yes, it could be drawn on paper but it wasn't taught in relation to math but better yet a theory that was spoken as a pearl of wisdom to be applied to life.  In college this triangle was referred to as "The 3 'S': social studies, school, and sleep".  Social studies referred to the idea being social; this included all activities from going to the gym to attending clubs, dating to partying, and generally just leisurely interacting with others.  School referred to attending classes and studying for those classes.  Sleep....welp- that's pretty obvious.  Now the idea of this triangle is that the ultimate student would like to have all 3 S's illustrated as an equilateral triangle, but so often is it that balancing these three components leaves at least one of the three ideas unbalanced, resembling  an isosceles triangle at best.   

SO WHERE WAS I: As I trotted through college this theory stuck with me and I saw it played out by several of my friends and myself.  There were some semester where sleep was just not in the equation at all and other weeks where being social didn't work out very well either.  As a freshmen- sleep was the component that was most reduced; sophomore year it was social studies; by junior year I was able to better balance as my social circle was reduced...can you say isosceles! And by senior year...I had this triangle in full balance: EQUILATERAL.

As I neared the end of my final spring semester I began to rethink my career goals and became frantic for direction in the next phase of my life.  In the midst of it all I was told about another triangle; this one was related to careers; often it is the case that individuals have jobs they are good at (dedication), jobs that make a lot of money (potential), or jobs they truly love (passion).  This theory was presented like a triangle because it also requires balance but as I entered the world of  true adulthood with college loans instead of college classes, and the need for employment I thought this theory was better described as a Venn- diagram; where the ultimate goal is to find bliss in your career.

In our more recent years the goal has been just to find a job in general upon graduation; for some disciplines this is a bit easier than that of others; and even still the location or salary or benefits are likely lacking.  So I quickly understood that a more accurate depiction of this theory is below: illustrating that even if you find 2 out of 3 you likely still feel you are lacking in one regard or another.

So what's the struggle in that!? The struggle is in finding where you are, where you want to be, and devising a plan to get there.  The struggle is in finding where you are because for some this will require self-reflection; who wants to admit to themselves, and others, that they are so far off the path from which they had initially embarked upon.  The struggle is in making a plan because you aren't sure where you are or where you want to be.  The struggle in is waiting while the plan unfolds as patience is a virtue. And to add one more struggle that is likely the most frustrating because it's beyond your control; the struggle is in beating the odds in our current economy and not becoming comfortable with what you can find in the mean time.  So I challenge you to this struggle....and like most other things- the first step is the hardest and the first cut (rejection) is the deepest; but don't become discouraged.  The hard times are what makes the struggle real.

HURRY UP & WAIT

HURRY UP...and wait

In a society that is based on instant gratification it's hard to wait sometimes. But interestingly enough we wait all the time!

How many of us have rushed to the airport just to wait for hours in the security line or better yet in the waiting area to board a plane?  Or how often is it that one speeds down the interstate only to wait in line to park, then wait again in another line to be seated for dinner or even worst- to wait in line to enter the club/lounge/etc.

Where do we learn this rule of hurrying? Where did it come from and why goes it exist?

Sounds like it's just the way of life right? I too totally agree! But no-one ever taught us this. Nowhere is it written that this "hurrying up to wait" with sprinkles of instant gratification is what daily life has to offer. But yet, this is what is consistently endured by most.

So where is the struggle in this?  The struggle is in accepting that this is the culture of our society. How many people get road rage with the one car that's going the minimum speed limit on the highway in the far left lane? Or get annoyed with the little old couple cruising along in the grocery store the speed of a snail? Only to bypass them to wait in line where a customer clearly had 25 items or more in the 15 items or less express checkout line.

Why do we become upset in these scenarios? There are other lanes on the road to go around- right?  There are other check-out lines in the store- right? Isn't there inevitably just more waiting to
be endured  once we leave or get to the next destination anyways?  More importantly is there any way around all of this?  I mean after-all; we all commute on the interstate and don't we all need to get groceries?

So even more challenging, the greater struggle is in overcoming the emotional anger or annoyance in these varied moments throughout the day.

To this I challenge you to turn your mind!  (by challenging you I really mean- follow the hyperlink)

That Moment

"My Moment": DJ Drama feat. 2 Chainz, Meek Mill & Jeremih


"Tired of livin’ day to day like everything is alright
Every night just one thing on my mind
Just waiting on that moment
Waiting on my moment"

Ain't this the truth?! We've all gotten the same message more or less growing up: stay in school, stay off drugs, get a job, have a family, live happily ever after. Maybe not told to follow this order specifically, but the common denominator is the same: success.

The question then becomes: how does one define this success? What's your plan to achieve it? What do you do when this plan falls apart? This is the struggle; especially when you are told and comprehend that doing the right thing or following specific steps will yield successful results. And true enough, for some this holds true; but for most- it doesn't! And then what?

Then- we struggle. We struggle because we are lost and have no more steps to take. We have made a plan and followed it the best we can. We stay in school, stay off drugs, we mature into responsible adults.  The problem occurs when plans goes beyond just you. The turning point is where this life plan includes others in any shape, form, or fashion: a partner for a family, a connect for a career instead of just a job , help to pass classes, money so hustling and scheming don't seem to be the only option?  Whatever the it is- when it goes beyond just you, there is a likelihood for struggling.

Randomly, I heard this song and it stuck!  As I currently find myself at this crossroads, I noted I too am waiting for "that moment". But as I listen to the words of this hook I wonder: what exactly does this "moment" look and feel like? Where can I find it or hurry it to fruition? Are there any shortcuts?  And what do I do in the mean time? 

These questions are rhetorical in some sense, yet in another- they need resolution.  I clearly do not have the answers and do not know where to find them- so for now this struggle will continue; not consuming me but motivating me as I attempt to grow as a person and strive for the common denominator of success.  As the last verse of the same song echos:

"Since life ain’t promised tomorrow
Live it up, live it up, live it up
Be a fool to come this far- to
Give it up, give it up, give it up
Oh no, I won’t- 
give it up, give it up, give it up
Until I have it all!"

Struggles

Struggles- they are REAL

It’s interesting… I initially made the decision to develop a blog with a specific goal in mind and I looked over the current set of entries there is a bit of a disconnect.  However, like most individuals the “new year, new you” energy surge caught me in its grasp.  As I entered into the next week, I ran into a few more noteworthy struggles; most often at home and at work which prompted this whole reflection.  

Interestingly, I attended a mid-week church service with fusionATL .  I thought his first sermon of the new year would be enlightening and perhaps start another series focused on “temptations of sex” or “secrets” or “sacrifice”- but this particular service was not a series at all but rather a single service with a most powerful message.  

The sermon- titled” Why not 1000” introduced ideal related to being a Christian, having faith, and being obedient.

This isn’t a blog with a focus on God or spiritually, so what does this have to do with my reflecting and getting back to the overall focus of” the struggle is real.”  Although this message seems direct there was portion of the sermon that related to individuals struggles which resonated with me and helped me to regain focus of this blog.  

My current and most prevalent struggles are stillness, silence, and stagnation.    What do these things have in common (other the obvious- that they all start with an “S”)? They are a struggle in every aspect of my life- from work to home-life overall and individual growth.  For me stillness is best summed up in the saying “Let your heart be still”.  In this statement the idea translates to stopping or pausing your emotions and staying on course with the first plan developed, refusing to scramble and make new plans or adjustments jaded and overcome by emotions in the moment.  

Stillness is much related to stagnation; and to sum up stagnation- I adopted the following quote in college “even cats don’t prefer stale (stagnant) water”.  No disrespect, but if cats do not want stale (and stagnate) water then who is going to want a stagnant employee, friends, lover, etc?!  As I grew up this quote often propelled me to go the extra mile to reach out to others and continually try to better myself in one respect or another.  Oddly, enough- a good friend of mind recently shared her thoughts with me and she noted the following: All movement is not progress.  Lack of movement does not necessarily mean stagnation.  Learn to grow where you are and enjoy your current situation until God sees fit to move/ elevate you. HIS plan is perfect.

Lastly, shhhhh- silence.  The silence I’m referencing here is silence of the mind; stopping or slowing all of one’s thoughts.  This is not silence like the moments before you go to sleep, rather the moments of prayer or spiritual focus.  It is these moments where time, to me, seems everlasting and slowly passes.  In a world of instant gratification and a bunch of rushing and hurrying- it is no wonder why silence is golden, no matter how hard it is for me to achieve it.

What are your struggles?  I have shared mine with others and will continue to strive to overcome them…I’ll keep you posted because we all know- the struggle is real!