Humble Who

This weekend I put into action a hard lesson, it's truly one that I tried to avoid. It was my decision to move back home with my parents.

It was a hard decision because it wasn't at all what I saw for my life going into damn near thirty. As I swallowed my pride I felt like I was taking a huge step backwards- not just failing myself but also staining the path of excellence I have built for important youngsters in my life.

My mother reminded me: sometimes you have to take one step back to later take 3 steps forward. My sister reminded me: you haven't failed at all your making a huge sacrifice for bigger goals. My father reminded me: our doors are always open but since you aren't failing I'll gladly be accepting your monthly rent at a friends and family discount of course.

And all of them are right. I'm not failing in the typical sense; I still have a job and can afford to do nice things for myself, my friends, and my family.  I am taking a step

Back with faith that huge leaps and bounds forward are coming. And yes- this is a sacrifice that I de ides to make.

So as I embark upon this new chapter I'm filled with mixed emotions; of all the emotions I've experience on this emotional roller coaster the word humbling stands out. That's what best describes this transition, a humbling decision indeed; where there is not a termination date in sight, only dreams and goals surrounded by faith and accompanied by hard work exists.

In reflection, I think of so many other peers who have had to humble themselves. Making decisions that are best for the long run as opposed to the right now. And I applauded and supported them then, not knowing that beyond humbling is sacrifice, fear of failing, and of course judgments of others. But as I too sign up for my turn on this ride in life I have a new found respect. 

So for anyone else who is tottering with their options, weight them all- the good ones, bad ones, and hard ones too! Make a decision based on what's best for you which might not be what feels best to you.  Be mindful of your emotional decisions versus ones made while rational. Know that you aren't the first to regroup and won't be the last. And ultimately be reminded that without question, adulting is hard.

Friendship

Friendship is one of the most important relationships around. A friend can be found in any other relationship but it's not vice versa. Friendship is the basis or a key component of romantic relationships; and sets apart relationships with family members as well as co-workers or mentors. 

I would tell anyone that I'm a great friend because I don't take the job lightly; and like any other position in life-failure and/or being mediocre is simply not an option. Friendship over time is intriguing because with age we clearly get wiser;and, although some labels matter less and less other labels matter more and more.  

The label of friendship is no different. Think of your friends from kindergarten or elementary school...those requirements and criteria were minimal. You could be a bully today and a friend in the swings tomorrow. As a young adult things look vastly different, and for most quality over quantity is key in filling the position.

But here is some food for thought/ why is it so hard to make new friends- particularly in adult life? Not just associates or acquaintances, but legit true friends. My first thought is the position is largely filled.. so do we have a friendship maximum or limit? Or perhaps friendship itself appears less genuine amongst tasks of networking and achieving higher status with like minded peers?

Remember the saying and song: " Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other gold. A circle's round, it has no end- that's how long I want to be your friend" Which one do you wanna be? Old or new? Silver or gold? And how many pieces of old and new silver and gold and jewelry do you want or have? Most importantly do any of these labels even matter?

We all know - beauty is in the eye of the beholder but maybe friendship is too! So take the job seriously and know that true friendship is irreplaceable; a gem that is precious and never-ending.

Share the Wealth

Recently I was talking to a likeminded lady who's lives in Cali; where clearly the cost of living as well as the assumed day to day lifestyle varies greatly from the one I'm more aquatinted with in good ole Atlanta, GA.

In conversation about financial goals she made the following statement: "I want to make money, while I sleep". 

The first time I heard this comment was in a sitcom, "Survivor's Remorse" which is about an African American family raised on the wrong side of Boston who then relocated as the youngest son signed a basketball contract in Atlanta. There episode of "making money while they slept" included landing an endorsement deal; more specifically one that highlighted them as a major stockholder.

Is this the concept that comes to mind for most individuals; particularly ones that are not in the field of business? For me this was definitely the case.  And let's be real- the remedy for most questions we don't know is a quick Google search; however, with a minimal foundation in basics of investments, stocks, and the like; Google quickly resulted in begin defeated. I didn't know where to start and didn't have concrete questions to ask; Bt my goal was clear: what are the steps to make money while I sleep too.

When my likeminded confidant made the same statement it was obvious that her goal was the same, but her research had equipped her with a plan that had much more to offer to anyone who was listening. Here were her pearls of wisdom:

- There is no one method that will suite you 100% so while doing your research be true to yourself by finding something that you can commit to and cast a large net for valuable resources so you can then develop a best suited plan for you- basically...read...ALOT! 

- Trial and error is scary especially when it comes to coins and cash so start smart and small then make adjustments

- Investing is really about investing in yourself- stocks and bonds are just one common route but there are others such as rewards cards, high interest savings accounts like DiscoverIT or Capital One QuickSilver , and general bank memberships with banks that have limited overhead cost like Ally or Charles Schwab

Of course these are only the snowflakes to possibly begin a snowball effect towards wealth; but more than the specific ideas she shared the largest shared golden nugget was in the act of giving that was then received. 

Often times people want to do better but don't know how. The don't know how to start, or who to ask, or even know what questions to ask. Other times individuals share a pearl but it rests on deaf ears as it's not received as helpful or maybe not even acknowledge for its full potential.  

Where do you fall? Are you depositing into others your learned wisdom? Are you assuming your knowledge is "common" and therefore opting to not share? Are you keeping tips to yourself because the first few people seemed unbothered as well as unenriched by what you had to offer? If this is you, don't give up someone needs to learn this lesson.

On either end- those seeking more information while flirting with the feelings of being overwhelmed or defeated- stay focused. Keep you eyes, ears, and heart open. And don't be fooled, you likely still have information to share.

No matter your category, I challenge you to share one financial goal with someone and attempt to exchange a tip for financial growth! So go forth, share, listen and prosper! 

Napoleon Syndrome...for Women

I think most are familiar with the idea or general concept of Napoleon Syndrome. However have you ever thought about what this really illustrates: males overcompensating their size (height or otherwise 😜) for something else; most often in exchange for power and/or status.  In a nutshell all roads lead to the male ego...nothing new or profound there.

But as we continue to move forward in time there are plenty of other groups that are seeking power. 

Have you ever heard of Josephine or Napoleon's Cleopatra?  The prior was his wife who came into their marriage with baggage as a widow with 2 children, and the latter was his mistress while married to the first.  Under this frame of thought, I wonder: Does Napoleon syndrome exist for the female gender?

How powerful did his wife have to be to prompt being courted by him...and get the ring? Considering her position and her "baggage" how did her happy ending include Napoleon? 

This is clearly open for discussion but perhaps female Napoleon syndrome is perpetuated not just by ego itself but rather by her emotional tie to power which often presents itself to those observing as "power of the vag". Yep...I said it. How often are women utilizing their sex and all that comes with it for the upper edge?

No judgements here; but think about how often television shows highlight powerful women in scenes where they are portrayed as everyday superheroes followed by scenes filled with hot steamy sex or at least a conversation inside a hallway or elevator filled with sexual innuendo's and implied sexual tension; not to mention the additions of scantily clad  attire.

Think about how often in real life the pretty blonde or girl with straight hair or maybe the chick who always wears skirts and heels seemingly is always offered a platform to "lean in". Meanwhile you have observed her doing minimal work.  Maybe be there is a female you know who is always flirting with others and oddly random doors are opened.  Meanwhile you're confused as to how she has so much time to spare for such socializing.  Do you know who I'm talking about? Do you have someone like this in your office? Are you this lady in your agency or organization?  Do you wanna be?

No matter where you fall on the spectrum of using your goodies for advancement; the bigger reality is that this typically works so well, because men are most often in power. So I say...don't stop using your power but let's not judge so harshly those that do. And instead, as a united front of females, let's get more women at the big tables, have more ladies taking seats to make decisions that matter and creating change. Then ladies let's change the stigma.  After all, Napoleon was taken down in the end but it took a united front to make it happen.

Brunch: 10th & Piedmont

It's another month so another brunch was surely in order. This time I chose 10th & Piedmont. The setting is super cute, it's actually located at 10th & Piedmont ( go figure- lol) within the Midtown area. They have huge widows which are retractable! For a nice day you can enjoy all the hustle and bustle as you people watch while folks are enjoying the block or making their way to and from nearby Piedmont Park. Inside the place there was no waiting and the seating availability looks much bigger from inside than one would guess just driving by; however I also had a reservation. The ambiance was comfortable too: they had smooth grooves playing at an appropriate volume such that it could be heard but the chit-chat around you didn't interfere nor did I feel the need to yell across the table at my company. 

The menu is appears to be short and sweet, a varied of options but nothing too eclectic as an offer.  I ordered a southwestern burrito; which I thought was a sure win! Just based upon presentation, I was immediately disappointed to receive a plate that had a tablespoon of pico, which was marketed as salsa. After my first taste I was made quickly aware that perhaps this wasn't the best choice. If I went back again I'd surely order something more traditional like grits and eggs with some sausage. 

My friend ordered chicken and waffles which was quite creative; the chicken was a chicken finger on a stick, wrapped in bacon and dipped in waffle-like batter that was then fried.  Verbally it sounded like "fair" or "festival" food. Visually it looked like corn dogs, a set of 3 mini-corn dogs was served with a legit tablespoon of grits.   The verdict: 3 pieces was more than plenty for taste but not for overall fullness.

So what about the drinks? Just our luck- they had the option of bottomless mimosas! They had flavored mimosas as well; but, they do not have a bottomless option for these. The mimosas had a great balance of champagne and juice and their presentation was great within large constantly flowing glasses.  

Lastly, valet parking was complimentary which was great! Although due to the layout of multiple one-way streets you must go around the moon to capitalize on it.  But it's free! And directly next door so it's worth it.

All in all- 10th & Piedmont is not in my top bracket for brunch but I'd be willing to give it another try. The social aspect of this place is awesome as are the mimosas, which always result in a good time.  Don't let my tastebuds rule yours though...give it a try and drop me a line!

Adulting + Motherhood

Today is Mother's Day! So first let me say thanks to all the great women who are mothers or are active role models for children of close friends and within the family.

Let me next say- most of y'all make it look so easy! Growing up I saw my mom do it all: work, support, cook, clean, come to school functions, discipline,teach, encourage,and etc. The list goes on and on, but she completed it all and did so while looking so graceful, truly not appearing to have skipped a beat.

As I took some time to reflect, not just on my childhood but also on my adulthood to date without the accompaniment of parenthood; I realized I am often tuckered out with just taking care of me. Just completing mundane routine tasks for a party of 1- being only myself. I drag my feet with laundry and chores. I try my best to shop for groceries and prep my meals on one day and only one day a week; anything else will result in  eating out for sure, and this one day of food prep already takes repeated self-coaching.  I cringe at the idea of any randomized "adulting addition": car maintenance, doctor appointments, phone calls regarding adult-life like calling the bank, filing taxes, moving...I'm sure you have a few more to add.

While reflecting, I realized how much I love to sleep, how much I love to make moves based solely on me. I noted how much I enjoy peace and quiet within moments as well as long uninterrupted baths.  I have no additional day to day lives to be concerned with- no kids, no pets, I don't even have a plant! 

Sooooo...I say all that above to say- Adulting is hard. But it sounds like it's only the prelude for this thing we call life. And that makes me speechless...Mom's y'all are the real MVP and not that I'm rushing family duties upon myself but I hope when the time comes I too get initiated into the elite club of "adulting + motherhood" with flying colors. I hope I too appear with effortless grace while I daily on the works around me. So readers- here's to you wherever you fall on the continuum and whatever the next dream is to fulfill. 

Show yourself kindness while you struggle

I recently attended yoga in the park. Before I go any further- let me tell you, I am not a yogi. In fact I've only done yoga a handful of times. 

Even-still, I really enjoy the relaxation and mediation portions of some yoga practices.  And after my experience this week, I'm sure it's my favorite part.

As with any other yoga classes there was an instructor that led the session. What I loved was her transparency about being authentic towards yourself. She constantly reminded us that only you know your limits and only you know when you're focused. (I'm sure it didn't help that she didn't want anyone to hurt themselves in the middle of this loosely structured class held in the corner of Old 4th Ward Skate Park).

As she guided the class she made bunches of reminders about being centered on yourself and mindful of your own limits.  She reminded us that balance can also be from within as opposed to having your left side stretch and right stretch being identical. 

Not only did she make these statements; she also provided more profound commentary- a couple of which statements lingered with me.

1. Show yourself kindness 

How often do you show yourself kindness? Not giving yourself a compliment or a positive affirmation about who you are, what you can accomplish, or what/who you can be; but truly being kind to yourself? Having self compassion.  This took me for a loop because it sounds so simple but I quickly found it takes great discipline to implement this this idea.

2. You cannot end at the beginning.

This lingered because it's the better packaging of one of my life lessons: you must go through the struggle to arrive at success.

These two statement go together. They are both so vital to life- learning to thrive instead of just survive. So I challenge you to show yourself kindness as you go through the struggle. Especially since  we all know: the struggle is real, but now we also know you can be kind to yourself while en route to successfully overcoming it.