Are You Mary Jane?

I finally watched the movie and full series of being Mary Jane which aired on BET and concluded last month. There was a good amount of conversation prompted by the show as it portrayed a 38 year old African American women who is career driven  but  appears lacking in countless other areas of life- especially love and pursuing her "happily ever after".  Without giving too much away- her mother suffered from the disease lupus, her older brother is a recovering drug addict, her younger brother is a  "professional student" that also deals drugs, and her father is the head of the household trying to keep all his ducks in a row. Meanwhile Mary Jane, played by Gabrielle Union, provides [money] to her family when needed and often deflects her shortcomings in life by almost fixating on her extended family and countless hours devoted to her work; along the way, she attempts to engage in relationships as a foundation for her happily ever after.

I will admit, I'm a bit behind the curve on the show as the last episode aired in February; but as the show became a conversation piece especially within the African American community and also in comparison to the character Olivia Pope, played by Kerry Washington, I was persuaded to invest some time on the trending topic. As the series continued to gain steam and her goals were projected on my personal television screen, one episode after another, I found myself wiping tears from my cheeks: her struggle is REAL. This series illustrated the struggle of truly having it all; as black women set standards but continue to seek love within her race while pursuing careers or furthering their educational expertise.  I am this women!

As Georgia Tech alum that also earned a masters degree before the age of 25; that has recently been blessed with an opportunity to begin a career related to my degrees before the age of 30- I can easily see myself and close friends living the struggle that Mary Jane so clearly illustrates.  This has been a topic of conversation between myself and several friends, associates, and co-workers as we often feel pressured to accept the possibility that we cannot have it all and that if we do the happily ever after will not be upheld to our ideal standard. The doubt creeps in: "maybe I can't have it all", "perhaps my standards are too strict", "it must just be me".

The struggle pursued by Mary Jane made my heart heavy and poured over my eyelids in a brief moment of silence but later escalated to tumultuous tears much like the waterfall in Niagara.  The realism of her situation and it's applicability to my life currently and as the future turns present and passes with rising and setting of the sun; this struggle is real, even if not in its true form but in our thoughts and actions. 

If you have not yet seen the movie or series I challenge you to do so; especially if you are female and/or African American.  If you find yourself in the pursue of love, happiness, or enjoyment of your happily ever after- you should watch it too.   For those of you who relate to the storyline and the ideals presented;I challenge you: dare to be bold! Release your stresses and relax your mind in relation to this topic.  Feel free in knowing you are not alone and accepting that true love, everlasting love cannot be rushed. Have faith in yourself that when the time and person is right you will know. Have faith that your happily ever after is coming we are all someone's princess en route to becoming a queen.  Are you ready?  So learn your lessons along the way, not just cooking and cleaning but communicating effectively and refining morals such as faith and loyalty.  Do you take this dare?! You should...because I'm hopeful and optimistic that a king specially selected for you awaits. 

   

                          

Life & Death

"Death gotta be easy, cuz life is hard-it'll leave you physically, mentally, and emotionally scared."

Life is not something anyone of us asked for; but rather it is given. No one opts into this world. To be given life, someone else makes that decision or carries out plans that result in your conception.

In almost the same way, most do not chose death either. There are some individual choices that can be made which can increase the likelihood of death or decrease the longevity of life; but typically- death comes upon you and only some are prompted before the inevitable.

Life is a gift that is given. And death is the conclusion to your lifetime. All this information is logical and common knowledge- it is no mystery. But the struggle is making your life worth while- better stated, it's in truly living!  Living life to the fullest in spite of everything else: overcoming obstacles, enduring growing pains, making goals and reaching them or at least trying, being better than those who came before you, and leaving a legacy for those who come after.

So I challenge you to live long and prosper ( as cliche as that sounds). But know that daily there will be struggles and understand that doubts will cross your mind- but let these doubts fleet by leaving little to no trace and not swaying the journey ahead of you; let each struggle you overcome  strengthen and teach you for the next. And I challenge you to share these experiences- good and bad- with family and friends to help them through their lifetime as well.

Some things are obvious like life and death as well as; the idea that life is hard and dealing with the death of others is too. But while you're living, get strong: mentally, physically, and emotionally. While you're living, be joyful, loving, and free-spirited.  Empower yourself and those around you. And hope for the best, look forward to longevity and in the event that life is cut short or the result is a long fulfilled life - one thing will be for sure: YOU WILL HAVE NO REGRETS!

** This is dedicated to and inspired by Beulah Smith: my great grandmother who passed away Monday- February 23, 2014; after truly living her life of 90 years. As a mother of 12, she always made due with what she had and was always willing to share with others. She laughed often and loved hard. She brought out the best in those around her and stayed strong until she was called home by The Lord. May she rest in peace and never be forgotten.**

Girls night..IN

For those of us who are in our twenties or in college or maybe even on our way out if high school the weekend is a time to celebrate, enjoys friends and/or family, try new things and meet and greet new people.  However so often is it that each moment of the weekend although filled with fun, goes fleeting by- often leaving you more tired on Sunday night than you were on Friday after work or class- and to top it all of... it's time to start the cycle over again!

Personally, as a enjoy my mid-twenties in the great city that is Atlanta I often find myself in this constant rotation. Matter of fact the seven days of the week often resemble a 7 disc changer...remember those?!  Our days are often routine based and monotonous until the weekend with the exception of a happy hour or church once a week, and for some perhaps a date night with that someone special. And yes each's routine varies a little as some attend Zumba on Mondays and call there best friend on Thursdays; while others enjoy happy hour on Mondays and church on Wednesday- but the overall outline is the same: work, eat, sleep, then relax & party on the weekend.

Welp- this past weekend me and my crew reverted backwards, we regressed a little and took a trip down memory lane; we had a slumber party! Yes a small group of ladies gathered in lounge-wear and enjoyed great conversation, drinks, and each other's company. Being a little older this party not only had drinks and wine glasses as party favors but also permitted the luxury of a mini vacation to a local hotel; having a drink in hand as a looked over the crisp white linens with a peak of the skyline in Buckhead as the the backdrop was calming and rejuvenating. But don't be fooled just like any other all girls sleepover this one came with tons of laughs, getting chastised by authorities, endless laughs, story telling, and memories to bring us all together.

So where is the struggle in that?! The struggle is in the idea that growing up means clubbin and lounging and hanging out at bars on one end of the spectrum and being a home body that watches movies solo with wine after a bath every Friday while catching up on reality tv for the greater portion of Saturday only to prepare for the work week by cooking and cleaning after church on Sunday. So no matter where you fall on this continuum- I challenge you to step out the box; find your innocence and relive a piece of your childhood.


No-one is saying it must be a sleep over- there is a wide array of other options.  From attending a kids movie to making a suicide drink at the local arcade or skating rink, waiting on the porch for the sound of the ice cream track- (yep summer will be here before you know it) to strolling through the park with a popsicle in hand.  Remember the good ole days, before life became complex or calculated. Bring past memories to the present.  And if you are truly up for the challenge- don't do the journey alone, everyone knows: the more the merrier!

Triangles: from College to Career

We all know a triangle is a three sided shape that is a fundamental item in basic geometry.  And we all know that these triangles come in difference sizes and that the three sides can be in different lengths- which changes the overall shape of the triangle itself.  

Now in college I was introduced to another triangle.  Yes, it could be drawn on paper but it wasn't taught in relation to math but better yet a theory that was spoken as a pearl of wisdom to be applied to life.  In college this triangle was referred to as "The 3 'S': social studies, school, and sleep".  Social studies referred to the idea being social; this included all activities from going to the gym to attending clubs, dating to partying, and generally just leisurely interacting with others.  School referred to attending classes and studying for those classes.  Sleep....welp- that's pretty obvious.  Now the idea of this triangle is that the ultimate student would like to have all 3 S's illustrated as an equilateral triangle, but so often is it that balancing these three components leaves at least one of the three ideas unbalanced, resembling  an isosceles triangle at best.   

SO WHERE WAS I: As I trotted through college this theory stuck with me and I saw it played out by several of my friends and myself.  There were some semester where sleep was just not in the equation at all and other weeks where being social didn't work out very well either.  As a freshmen- sleep was the component that was most reduced; sophomore year it was social studies; by junior year I was able to better balance as my social circle was reduced...can you say isosceles! And by senior year...I had this triangle in full balance: EQUILATERAL.

As I neared the end of my final spring semester I began to rethink my career goals and became frantic for direction in the next phase of my life.  In the midst of it all I was told about another triangle; this one was related to careers; often it is the case that individuals have jobs they are good at (dedication), jobs that make a lot of money (potential), or jobs they truly love (passion).  This theory was presented like a triangle because it also requires balance but as I entered the world of  true adulthood with college loans instead of college classes, and the need for employment I thought this theory was better described as a Venn- diagram; where the ultimate goal is to find bliss in your career.

In our more recent years the goal has been just to find a job in general upon graduation; for some disciplines this is a bit easier than that of others; and even still the location or salary or benefits are likely lacking.  So I quickly understood that a more accurate depiction of this theory is below: illustrating that even if you find 2 out of 3 you likely still feel you are lacking in one regard or another.

So what's the struggle in that!? The struggle is in finding where you are, where you want to be, and devising a plan to get there.  The struggle is in finding where you are because for some this will require self-reflection; who wants to admit to themselves, and others, that they are so far off the path from which they had initially embarked upon.  The struggle is in making a plan because you aren't sure where you are or where you want to be.  The struggle in is waiting while the plan unfolds as patience is a virtue. And to add one more struggle that is likely the most frustrating because it's beyond your control; the struggle is in beating the odds in our current economy and not becoming comfortable with what you can find in the mean time.  So I challenge you to this struggle....and like most other things- the first step is the hardest and the first cut (rejection) is the deepest; but don't become discouraged.  The hard times are what makes the struggle real.

HURRY UP & WAIT

HURRY UP...and wait

In a society that is based on instant gratification it's hard to wait sometimes. But interestingly enough we wait all the time!

How many of us have rushed to the airport just to wait for hours in the security line or better yet in the waiting area to board a plane?  Or how often is it that one speeds down the interstate only to wait in line to park, then wait again in another line to be seated for dinner or even worst- to wait in line to enter the club/lounge/etc.

Where do we learn this rule of hurrying? Where did it come from and why goes it exist?

Sounds like it's just the way of life right? I too totally agree! But no-one ever taught us this. Nowhere is it written that this "hurrying up to wait" with sprinkles of instant gratification is what daily life has to offer. But yet, this is what is consistently endured by most.

So where is the struggle in this?  The struggle is in accepting that this is the culture of our society. How many people get road rage with the one car that's going the minimum speed limit on the highway in the far left lane? Or get annoyed with the little old couple cruising along in the grocery store the speed of a snail? Only to bypass them to wait in line where a customer clearly had 25 items or more in the 15 items or less express checkout line.

Why do we become upset in these scenarios? There are other lanes on the road to go around- right?  There are other check-out lines in the store- right? Isn't there inevitably just more waiting to
be endured  once we leave or get to the next destination anyways?  More importantly is there any way around all of this?  I mean after-all; we all commute on the interstate and don't we all need to get groceries?

So even more challenging, the greater struggle is in overcoming the emotional anger or annoyance in these varied moments throughout the day.

To this I challenge you to turn your mind!  (by challenging you I really mean- follow the hyperlink)

That Moment

"My Moment": DJ Drama feat. 2 Chainz, Meek Mill & Jeremih


"Tired of livin’ day to day like everything is alright
Every night just one thing on my mind
Just waiting on that moment
Waiting on my moment"

Ain't this the truth?! We've all gotten the same message more or less growing up: stay in school, stay off drugs, get a job, have a family, live happily ever after. Maybe not told to follow this order specifically, but the common denominator is the same: success.

The question then becomes: how does one define this success? What's your plan to achieve it? What do you do when this plan falls apart? This is the struggle; especially when you are told and comprehend that doing the right thing or following specific steps will yield successful results. And true enough, for some this holds true; but for most- it doesn't! And then what?

Then- we struggle. We struggle because we are lost and have no more steps to take. We have made a plan and followed it the best we can. We stay in school, stay off drugs, we mature into responsible adults.  The problem occurs when plans goes beyond just you. The turning point is where this life plan includes others in any shape, form, or fashion: a partner for a family, a connect for a career instead of just a job , help to pass classes, money so hustling and scheming don't seem to be the only option?  Whatever the it is- when it goes beyond just you, there is a likelihood for struggling.

Randomly, I heard this song and it stuck!  As I currently find myself at this crossroads, I noted I too am waiting for "that moment". But as I listen to the words of this hook I wonder: what exactly does this "moment" look and feel like? Where can I find it or hurry it to fruition? Are there any shortcuts?  And what do I do in the mean time? 

These questions are rhetorical in some sense, yet in another- they need resolution.  I clearly do not have the answers and do not know where to find them- so for now this struggle will continue; not consuming me but motivating me as I attempt to grow as a person and strive for the common denominator of success.  As the last verse of the same song echos:

"Since life ain’t promised tomorrow
Live it up, live it up, live it up
Be a fool to come this far- to
Give it up, give it up, give it up
Oh no, I won’t- 
give it up, give it up, give it up
Until I have it all!"

Struggles

Struggles- they are REAL

It’s interesting… I initially made the decision to develop a blog with a specific goal in mind and I looked over the current set of entries there is a bit of a disconnect.  However, like most individuals the “new year, new you” energy surge caught me in its grasp.  As I entered into the next week, I ran into a few more noteworthy struggles; most often at home and at work which prompted this whole reflection.  

Interestingly, I attended a mid-week church service with fusionATL .  I thought his first sermon of the new year would be enlightening and perhaps start another series focused on “temptations of sex” or “secrets” or “sacrifice”- but this particular service was not a series at all but rather a single service with a most powerful message.  

The sermon- titled” Why not 1000” introduced ideal related to being a Christian, having faith, and being obedient.

This isn’t a blog with a focus on God or spiritually, so what does this have to do with my reflecting and getting back to the overall focus of” the struggle is real.”  Although this message seems direct there was portion of the sermon that related to individuals struggles which resonated with me and helped me to regain focus of this blog.  

My current and most prevalent struggles are stillness, silence, and stagnation.    What do these things have in common (other the obvious- that they all start with an “S”)? They are a struggle in every aspect of my life- from work to home-life overall and individual growth.  For me stillness is best summed up in the saying “Let your heart be still”.  In this statement the idea translates to stopping or pausing your emotions and staying on course with the first plan developed, refusing to scramble and make new plans or adjustments jaded and overcome by emotions in the moment.  

Stillness is much related to stagnation; and to sum up stagnation- I adopted the following quote in college “even cats don’t prefer stale (stagnant) water”.  No disrespect, but if cats do not want stale (and stagnate) water then who is going to want a stagnant employee, friends, lover, etc?!  As I grew up this quote often propelled me to go the extra mile to reach out to others and continually try to better myself in one respect or another.  Oddly, enough- a good friend of mind recently shared her thoughts with me and she noted the following: All movement is not progress.  Lack of movement does not necessarily mean stagnation.  Learn to grow where you are and enjoy your current situation until God sees fit to move/ elevate you. HIS plan is perfect.

Lastly, shhhhh- silence.  The silence I’m referencing here is silence of the mind; stopping or slowing all of one’s thoughts.  This is not silence like the moments before you go to sleep, rather the moments of prayer or spiritual focus.  It is these moments where time, to me, seems everlasting and slowly passes.  In a world of instant gratification and a bunch of rushing and hurrying- it is no wonder why silence is golden, no matter how hard it is for me to achieve it.

What are your struggles?  I have shared mine with others and will continue to strive to overcome them…I’ll keep you posted because we all know- the struggle is real!