Thirty before Thirty

About a month ago I turned 29! As I enter the last year of my twenties, there have been several interesting conversations sounding age:

- The last year of your twenties is the last year to get "it" out of your system. "It" here referring to foolish antics, irresponsible behavior, etc. This makes total sense; think about when you hear crazy stories from others or even on the news, one of the first questions: how old are they? This immediately grants the person some slack when in their twenties, but just as easily cast more judgement when in their thirties...or older

- Along the same lines is the idea that ones twenties are for enjoying life and making new experiences; which would imply that beyond your twenties the focus is more on being an adult; investing, settling down, making roots, etc.

- For women, it appears this is especially true in reference to making a family! Science tells us that most women will reach their sexual peak during this age range, instinctively the crescendo to a halt due to harsher child bearing years in ones forties.

- Research has also suggested that for some of the longest living folks in the world; their thirties was their favorite time frame; this was reportedly  due to balance between work and play; enjoying life through a different lens which was eased due to increased income and seeking a suitable companion for life which great memories were build with. 

I have no clue what my stance will be on the the decade of thirty in retrospect, but as it begins to peak over the horizon I've vowed to myself the following: I'm intentionally going out with a bang, I will not fall victim to judgements, and I will (without a doubt) enjoy this next chapter!

To hold myself accountable I've not only written out thirty things I'd like to do and/or try before thirty; I'm going to post them and share! I've only be 29 for about 30 days and already have some of these tasks lined up...trying to stay motivated for the follow thru! I also created a hashtag so I can easily reflect before the big 30!  I've  decided anything I don't accomplish before thirty will be goals to tackle within the general sense of life. #nojudgements

I challenge you to keep me grinding with my checklist. I also encourage you to make something similar for yourself! If you need an accountability partner, post your list in the comments- I'll check in! 

#tams30before30

1. Wanderlust - November

2. Salsa dance

3. Sky diving

4. Speed dating

5. Ride a ferry 

6. Nude house experience

7. Glass blowing class

8. Fruit picking 

9. Karaoke in public

10. Vagina steam

11. Concert outta town - August

12. Sporting event outta town

13. Zip line

14. Horseback riding

15. Get my makeup done at a professional counter- October

16. Create and order a custom pair of sneakers

17. Attend a networking event with intention

18. Sports/fitness class✔️

19. Bar-tending class

20. Pole class

21. Create a tasty meal (beverage, food)

22. Tackle the grill

23. Attend wind down Wednesday - September

24. Get aromatherapy educated

25. Plan and execute a stay-cation

26. Tevana life! 

27. MLK museum

28. Explore a local Georgia wonder

29. Oktoberfest - October

30. Climb Stone Mountain

Compliments & Smiles

Think fast: What do compliments and smiles have in common?

Response: They are free and seldom given.

Think about the last time you were given a compliment. What was it about? Who gave it to you? And how did it make you feel? Although there are a multitude of answers; I'd guess for most compliments were given to you by someone of the opposite sex about something very shallow or general like clothing or hair.

Don't get me wrong- all compliments are nice but when is the last time someone  complimented you? Meaning, provided you with a compliment  regarding  something that only you possess- like your smile, or intelligence, or maybe even your heart?

Now the other part is...when a compliment is given it must also be well received. The last time I was complimented, and yes it was by the opposite sex, I'm admit, I felt a bit awkward as I awaited the additional and typical foolish and out of pocket comments to follow, but they didn't and my awkward response turned into blubbering.

It was then I realized that hand in hand with chivalry, compliments are fading; but only if we let them! 

So what does this mean?  It means each of us should do better with gracefully receiving compliments when they are given and each of us should hand them out like fliers in college because they are free! 

We already tell our friends about the lady with great hair or awesome fashion...but did you tell that lady herself...that her swag-bag was running over?  How great would it be for other women to give you compliments and vice versa?  Perhaps this will balance the times we so readily tell folks about themselves; for example when it comes to feeling disrespected.

And let's push the limit with "homie-lover/friend", try requesting more compliments  beyond our women-ly characteristics. We cannot continue to make it so easy for the suggestive comment regarding sexuality and related context. Instead let's strive for compliments that are truly original, that are deeper than superficial offerings.

Maybe with a bit of repetition with these few approaches compliments will be more common and truly appreciated. Maybe with practice this can breath life into chivalry.  Then again maybe it won't. Instead it may only make you smile, but I think all these possibilities make it well worth it! 

So I challenge you: compliment 1 women a week for the remainder of the summer, receive your next 5 compliments gracefully, and shower your "homie-lover/friend" with compliments of substance to maybe start a trend.

Cries to my Father

I woke up with a heavy heart and masked myself for the day. I went to work and probably snapped on a few people; overall peaking and valley-ing as the work day passed.  I kept myself busy and didn't really think about the heaviness I was carrying...didn't make the time.

I stopped at a store this evening and while waiting scrolled my social media time line. In only a few minutes my mask unraveled itself. I immediately felt a lump in my throat which I tried to hold there as I walked to my car. I rode in near silence as I began breathing heavily in attempts to "stay calm" and "keep it together".

But as I saw my house, a tear touched my cheek. As I turned in the driveway tears puddled my eyes. My holding and waiting gave way to crying, crying so hard I barley put my car in park. 

My tears and crying gave way to sobbing which grew to trembling and shallow gasps for air. Then I heard a voice, my father, concerned yet calm inquiring: "what's wrong".  He waited patiently then intently listened as I shared with him my burden, my thoughts,  concerns and worries.  I told him I was angry, scared, and disappointed. I asked him for answers and explained how my mind was filled with randomized thoughts as I crave a solution.

He listened and was supportive as we talked. I'll spare all the details. But his message was clear: " Unfortunately history repeats itself, and yes change is hard, but a problem of this magnitude will not be solved overnight as there are so many pieces that need active solutions."

And just as I found myself calming down, I looked at him and said "thank you"; only to find myself in tears again as he had demonstrated (in what felt like a millisecond) why our Kings are so precious and I was reminded (in that millisecond) what we continue to lose with each death.

#blacklivesmatter #seeksolutions #createchange

BET Awards 2016

Last weekend BET Awards 2016 premiered. I had forgotten it was airing until a commercial on Spike TV revealed itself; to my surprise this commercial indicated the awards shows was coming on next...on Spike TV.  In an effort to record the Prince tribute, I pressed some button on the remote and saw another channel, LOGO, was also airing it too. To kill my curiosity I continued to scroll and caught that a host of channels: E!, MTV, Nickelodeon, etc. were covering the event.

Once it started, I though is the the power of Queen Bey? She was the opening act in a powerful and clearly comment provoking performance of freedom with Kendrick Lamar which illustrated tribal dancers taking the stage and dancing alongside her in water. Beyoncé also made HBO do a promo weekend when her visual album dropped a week before her tour.

There were several tributes to Prince. There were likely enough for his own mini-tribute time-slot; but of course sprinkling it throughout the full length of the awards show made more drama. There were so many great artist who presented Prince well.

As the award show continued there were several blatant and arguably shameless plugs for viewers to vote and know the platforms of these candidates. Some presenters were clear in sharing who they were voting for and why; while other performers were verbally silent and allowed for their clothing ensemble to do the speaking.

There was also Jesse Williams who was also a huge focal point of the awards show.  The magnitude and longevity of his resume beyond Grey's Anatomy was beyond me until last night; but in his several minutes speech of being the recipient of BET Humanitarian Award, I marveled. Williams was direct and very clear about his mission, his goals, his ideas, and provided viewers with a plan on how to become a part of a movement focused on change for the better.  Williams left no qualms regarding his position and verbalized focused on race, conditional freedom, and several other related topics. #blacklivesmatter

Although I have never been hard pressed to tune in for the BET awards show, I'm so glad I did! Im still not completely clear on what created its appearance on so many channels; however, I applaud BET for using their star power to create commentary on things that matter beyond just the popularity of music. It was courageous and widespread; I heard the messages and hope others did too! 

I have used this as a platform to talk to others, both young and old about pop culture, history, voting and race issues. I have found this awards show as well as the avalanche of following commentary to be a  great breeding ground for thought provoking conversation and education.  No matter what your stance or opinion having the conversation is courageous as an individual and illustrates a change-maker within your community. I say- create a few ripples and cause a meaningful conversation, one with depth and hopefully related self-reflection. For we all know: change is difficult but necessary, so we must be the change we wish to see! 

#latepost😅