Black Ballet

I love the ballet! I love it even more when I'm not distracted by whispers behind me or cell phones ringing and surely without attendants telling folks "pictures are not permitted".

I love the ballet! I love it because 2 sentences in a brochure comes to life for several minutes, often times without words.  Most times with the addition of lights, music, stillness and other theatrics.  Their movements being poetic while silent or perhaps lively with a pulse!  Altogether...being indescribable and evoking sporadic emotions.

I love the black ballet and I love my black people sitting with me at the black ballet.  It makes my heart beam when the little girl

in a tulle skirt with Afro-puffs is twirling in the walkway and squeals with anticipation.  I also understand that she might be chatting in the second act and not know when to clap or speak at all...to be honest sometimes I forget 'proper' etiquette too!

But some things are simply common courtesy in all situations: cell phone lights and sounds really ruins an experience, unrelated or ongoing conversation can ruin it too. So adults-remember to lead by example.  Remember to pour into our children and when able, expand their horizons. Remember to be patient with those around you, young and wise.  Don't forget to support fine arts and keep them "fine" by showing grace.  And lastly, continue to support people who look like us because that is what turn dreams into goals. 

HomeOwner Chronicles #2

The second lesson I've learned is: although sellers and communities provide full disclosures, and you even have an inspection of the property;  there will be a learning curve between the homeowner and the property itself.  

In the first couple month I'm still learning things about the community; specifically about my neighbors. Some are friendly and actually speak, a few are awkward, and a couple appear to always be home (living "the life" and yes I'm a little jelly). I have one neighbor that parks behind my driveway EVERYDAY- I'm trying to decide if I should have a chat or not; not trying to have bad blood with others so early...so the jury is still out on that one but stay tuned.

I'm also still learning things about the house itself! Most things are minimal like the way the drains in my bathroom sink are super stubborn and that there is a lose wooden plank in my downstairs bathroom.

These things are small- but there has been one major adventure: my garage door lock is (was) busted! So it took several nights before I parked in my garage; partly because I had trash in there from moving as well as kitchen appliances I was selling. But mainly because I was cutting a few corners with buying a garage opener online!

Once it arrived my pops got it programmed and the very next day I was ready to park my "Mazarati" in my garage. It was late, and the door to the house was being extremely stubborn; I brushed it off and took the literal 7 steps to my front door which I had entered and exited numerous times. I then walked from the inside of the house and used the wall unit garage opener button to close the garage.  The door from the garage to the house was still being stubborn so I slammed it shut and went to bed (did I mention it was late and I was tired).

The next morning I am ready to walk out the door conjoining the house and garage when to my surprise...the door won't budge; I notice the door knob won't turn at all; I realize the lock won't unlock! I immediately begin to panic then bully myself as I quickly recount the struggles I had with the door the night before: Why did I park in the garage? Why didn't I notice something was wrong with the door before? Why did I wait until the very last minute to leave for work? What do I do now- I can't get me car out!

I was panicking mostly because I legit did not know how to get my car out.  The car was in the garage.  The garage door opener was inside the car, that was in the garage.  The door from the house to the garage was stuck/jammed.

So....I called my dad; who didn't answer.  Then I called my mom who didn't answer. Then I decided to unscrew the lock! I figured let me just take it off, that should work.  Long story short my parents did call me back, but only moments before I needed to call my coworker to pick me up for work; I had an AM client/appointment.  I called a locksmith who told me I was on the right track; he basically told me that I would need to destroy the lock with whatever it takes but not destroy the door frame.

After my appointment; my co-worker and I were up to the challenge.  We grabbed a toolbox and went to work.  I tried not to get discouraged and not to be too gentle and after about 15 minutes finally I could see my car! I reversed her outta there so quick it would have made your head spin.

Since then I have replaced the locks on all entrances to the house and ordered another garage open to keep inside the house for special situations AKA emergencies.  I've also parked my car inside the garage and feel confident this scenario won't be a repeat!

Hope-ship

I have often times chatted and written about relationships.  No wonder why nor should it be a surprise as relationship are what I've found to be an integral part of being more than just a simple human. And when I think of the variety of relationships that exist, I'm truly mystified as there are multiple levels and combinations ranging from relationships between friends, lovers, co-workers, colleagues, and more.

In recent conversation the topic of hope within these relationships emerged. Through the scope of success, employers hope that their staff can comply with their demands  and requests; through the scope of failure perhaps these same employers hope their weakest link will resign or self-elect for an early departure.  Employers really "think" these are likely outcomes.

In regards to friends, some friendships appear less balanced as one side is more needy or draining vs stable and giving.  It appears that over time, this relationship becomes filled with hopes too.  Often times one friend hoping that things will get better, ultimately hoping this friendship can and will soon appear more comfortable- like it used to be.  These individuals really "think" this is possible.

Perhaps something similar is the case with romantic relationships as well; one partner feeling drained as the other goes unaware. Or perhaps one partner feeling overwhelmed while the other has no idea. And similar to the hopes revolving around friendship; someone hoping there is more depth between the duo, with additional fleeting thoughts with hope at its center.

The unfortunate part is that while these hopes are floating around- the relationship itself is deteriorating.  The relationship is becoming more and more lost at bay, getting closer and closer to reaching a breaking point, or being overfilled with so many burdens it simply capsized. 

So instead of hope in these relationships...I suggest communication.  Communicate and work towards solutions; because all relationships are important.  No more walking on eggshells or treading lighting; no more whispers to others who aren't effected but bring you comfort as you continue to hope.  It's sure to be difficult, but all things worth having weren't easy to obtain; so talk about the issues and be about the solutions.  After all- hope floats but not without a little extra😊

A Letter to My Mister

A wise person once mentioned that letters to your future husband are similar to prayers; they are often kept in secret, mental conversations riddled with some of your deepest most coveted thoughts and dreams...

Dear Future Mister,

As a little girl I was never the one who pretended to be married to a superstar. I didn't have a secret crush or celebrity posters that lined my walls.  In fact I rarely even played with barbies or dolls.

 

As a teen, with dating I noticed the realms of popularity and status.  I found myself at a crossroads where smarts, athlete, and band geek intersected.  At sleepovers, I still wasn't a fan of MASH or other dreamy games; I don't recall signing my name as a "misses" to my secret crush either.

 

As a young adult I find myself still being an exception to the rule.  I've been told in more than one relationship, that they'd "never encountered a girl like me".  In a few instances I understood their point; but in most instances felt everyone is different, and pondered if this was a point even worth mentioning or sharing in the first place.

Getting older (and I believe wiser) I find myself thinking of you more. I've given thought to who you are; truly reflected- not just on what you do, how you look, or your story...but rather what is carried within your heart. 

When I think of who you are I am overjoyed. I think of your strength, wisdom, humor, and intelligence.  I think of your heart and spirit; I envision your inner-self to be free and warm.

When I think about how you adore me, I beam; about how you support me makes my eyes smiles; and about how you honor me, simply makes my heart sing.

I envision melting with your touch and allowing my mind to drift with your gaze. I know your intellectual conversation and thought provoking perspectives will keep me striving for more from this life; creating change in our communities, no matter how big or small. I imagine the moments and possible hours that pass by as we stimulate one another with thoughts, ideas, actions, and plans.

I foresee a time where we need no music to dance, where my worse to you is still viewed as my best, and in a room filled with people we only see each other.  

I'm aware that obstacles will arise and already I appreciate the times you anchor me, and rough times where we weather the storm. I know we will disagree but am sure we will learn compromise and balance. I'm sure there will be hills and valleys but hope we travel them together. I'm confident I will make you better and you will pour into me- keeping one another enriched and full-hearted.

I await the moment so simple yet sweet; however truly everlasting, where I know you are the mister I've been awaiting. The split second where my life has changed because my heart has been matched with one who is equally yoked with all of me and whom I am. Until that day, I will continue to be hopeful and faithful; after-all there is no rush when a couple of forever is the goal.

Lord, let me love myself and love others always, let me be open to love from others, let me stay cloaked in your love, and be patient, watchful, and obedient for my true love. AMEN

HomeOwner Chronicles #1

So I'm all moved in and trying to get settled into my humble abode. Although this has been a stressful chapter it's also been very rewarding.

The first lesson I've learned is: you will literally bleed green from closing until the first mortgage payment so be prepared to let your savings go.

It seems that everyday I am writing another check, swiping another card (debit over credit of course), and making a list of future items to purchase,  desired upgrades, and connection fees.

It's been hard to part with my hard earned money; mainly because I've worked hard to earn it. But also because my savings account looked AMAZING as I stacked for these moments- so why is it so hard to willingly let them go?!

I recall days along my savings plan that I would simply look at my banking statement; partially as motivation to keep sacrificing things daily for its growth and partially to reflect on how I was slowly reaching my goal.

So now for these stacks to not only have their growth stunned but also to see more depletion of them is very hard.  This is what I must remember: although my "nest-egg" is a bit dwindled the assets around me are growing. 

What Are You Hungry For?

I woke up with a feeling in my stomach.  It's hard to find the words to explain it. It was a feeling I'd felt before but yet something about it stood out. It was heavy, but not on my heart. It didn't ache, but didn't part from me. I began my day paying it less mind but it didn't escape my thoughts.

I arrived to work after fighting traffic and began my day much like any other; pushing through this pit which presented an ongoing distraction.  I went through the motions of my morning tasks and felt no desire for lunch.  After this hour passed I met with a client. 

This child was truly one of kind.  A walking description of childhood, beauty, and unfortunate pain. My time with her, though limited to just over an hour, felt like much less.  She spoke to me, but more than that I listened to her.  She spoke and I heard her every word; holding onto each syllable, craving more of her story. It wasn't an easy hour but one that came truly naturally to me.

After this appointment was done, I returned to my cubical. I felt filled, touched, and reset all at once.  I noticed my curious pit had dissipated and a fleeting though crossed my mind: maybe I was hungry... Perhaps I craved something that was bigger than what taste buds could suggest.  Maybe I wanted for something more filling than food.

As I sat, I felt an inner glow.  I watched this  child leave our office and in that moment I knew my pain from earlier in the day was a hunger for my purpose: to share my charitable heart, to lend a listening ear, to give my undivided attention; but ultimately  to serve children as a medium such that they be better understood and truly less burdened. 

My team noticed my change and I told them what cured me was my soul being fed; not on the pain the children left for me to carry, but on the reminder God gave me on my purpose- this is what I hungered for!

What do you hunger for? What fills your soul? What sings to your heart and renews your spirit? 

Education or Contribution?

While enjoying my vacation in Mexico I welcomed a thought provoking conversation with a local staff member; he, Abe, also  has a love for psychology and through brief conversation it's apparent he too has a charitable heart.

Abe shared his prior endeavor within a non- profit organization whose goal was to increase high school graduation rates within Mexico. The program was founded in California, with its basic idea as having liaisons within the non-profit organization to recruit high school aged students in Mexico then coaching them through graduating.

Abe discussed that support from family, friends, and communities throughout Mexico is minimal; there, once of age it's encouraged that the best method of contributing is joining the job force as a way to help your family.

The conversation was interesting for several reasons, one of which being a few parallels between his culture and mine. But by far the most informative statement was that in Mexico, if you do not have a high school degree or GED, you are not and cannot ever be eligible for promotions.  

For a single moment I thought of the foundational idea of USA being the land of the "All-America Dream", where hard work and loyalty can sometimes pay off; because here we can begin at the bottom and move up; in fact their are several businesses that  make this a requirement.

For me it gave just a little more perspective. I thought about how big of a sacrifice it must be to not finish schooling knowing your decision is everlasting. That moment truly lends the question: To be educated or to contribute? I also thought of how this set-up lends to a common day caste system.  More specifically, how things change and yet they still remain the same.

Abe is a staff member here now because the non-profit initiative failed. Too many students found the lack of support too much to overcome; for with each day out of work, parents were upset and peers confused.  As a compromise, initially some students enrolled in school and had work; however in just a short period of time, found the this load to be too heavy, considering longs hours on the bus to get to and from work that was heavy in labor as well as having a long shift to make the best of the commute; they all bailed.

For me, coming from a a family and community filled with support I knew no other option but to complete high school and college as a minimum. I've never had to choose between education and income. Stories like this remind me of my blessings, remind me that the USA still has room for growth- as does the world itself. And lastly, reminds me that knowledge is power...so make sure you get some!