A Letter to My Mister

A wise person once mentioned that letters to your future husband are similar to prayers; they are often kept in secret, mental conversations riddled with some of your deepest most coveted thoughts and dreams...

Dear Future Mister,

As a little girl I was never the one who pretended to be married to a superstar. I didn't have a secret crush or celebrity posters that lined my walls.  In fact I rarely even played with barbies or dolls.

 

As a teen, with dating I noticed the realms of popularity and status.  I found myself at a crossroads where smarts, athlete, and band geek intersected.  At sleepovers, I still wasn't a fan of MASH or other dreamy games; I don't recall signing my name as a "misses" to my secret crush either.

 

As a young adult I find myself still being an exception to the rule.  I've been told in more than one relationship, that they'd "never encountered a girl like me".  In a few instances I understood their point; but in most instances felt everyone is different, and pondered if this was a point even worth mentioning or sharing in the first place.

Getting older (and I believe wiser) I find myself thinking of you more. I've given thought to who you are; truly reflected- not just on what you do, how you look, or your story...but rather what is carried within your heart. 

When I think of who you are I am overjoyed. I think of your strength, wisdom, humor, and intelligence.  I think of your heart and spirit; I envision your inner-self to be free and warm.

When I think about how you adore me, I beam; about how you support me makes my eyes smiles; and about how you honor me, simply makes my heart sing.

I envision melting with your touch and allowing my mind to drift with your gaze. I know your intellectual conversation and thought provoking perspectives will keep me striving for more from this life; creating change in our communities, no matter how big or small. I imagine the moments and possible hours that pass by as we stimulate one another with thoughts, ideas, actions, and plans.

I foresee a time where we need no music to dance, where my worse to you is still viewed as my best, and in a room filled with people we only see each other.  

I'm aware that obstacles will arise and already I appreciate the times you anchor me, and rough times where we weather the storm. I know we will disagree but am sure we will learn compromise and balance. I'm sure there will be hills and valleys but hope we travel them together. I'm confident I will make you better and you will pour into me- keeping one another enriched and full-hearted.

I await the moment so simple yet sweet; however truly everlasting, where I know you are the mister I've been awaiting. The split second where my life has changed because my heart has been matched with one who is equally yoked with all of me and whom I am. Until that day, I will continue to be hopeful and faithful; after-all there is no rush when a couple of forever is the goal.

Lord, let me love myself and love others always, let me be open to love from others, let me stay cloaked in your love, and be patient, watchful, and obedient for my true love. AMEN

HomeOwner Chronicles #1

So I'm all moved in and trying to get settled into my humble abode. Although this has been a stressful chapter it's also been very rewarding.

The first lesson I've learned is: you will literally bleed green from closing until the first mortgage payment so be prepared to let your savings go.

It seems that everyday I am writing another check, swiping another card (debit over credit of course), and making a list of future items to purchase,  desired upgrades, and connection fees.

It's been hard to part with my hard earned money; mainly because I've worked hard to earn it. But also because my savings account looked AMAZING as I stacked for these moments- so why is it so hard to willingly let them go?!

I recall days along my savings plan that I would simply look at my banking statement; partially as motivation to keep sacrificing things daily for its growth and partially to reflect on how I was slowly reaching my goal.

So now for these stacks to not only have their growth stunned but also to see more depletion of them is very hard.  This is what I must remember: although my "nest-egg" is a bit dwindled the assets around me are growing. 

What Are You Hungry For?

I woke up with a feeling in my stomach.  It's hard to find the words to explain it. It was a feeling I'd felt before but yet something about it stood out. It was heavy, but not on my heart. It didn't ache, but didn't part from me. I began my day paying it less mind but it didn't escape my thoughts.

I arrived to work after fighting traffic and began my day much like any other; pushing through this pit which presented an ongoing distraction.  I went through the motions of my morning tasks and felt no desire for lunch.  After this hour passed I met with a client. 

This child was truly one of kind.  A walking description of childhood, beauty, and unfortunate pain. My time with her, though limited to just over an hour, felt like much less.  She spoke to me, but more than that I listened to her.  She spoke and I heard her every word; holding onto each syllable, craving more of her story. It wasn't an easy hour but one that came truly naturally to me.

After this appointment was done, I returned to my cubical. I felt filled, touched, and reset all at once.  I noticed my curious pit had dissipated and a fleeting though crossed my mind: maybe I was hungry... Perhaps I craved something that was bigger than what taste buds could suggest.  Maybe I wanted for something more filling than food.

As I sat, I felt an inner glow.  I watched this  child leave our office and in that moment I knew my pain from earlier in the day was a hunger for my purpose: to share my charitable heart, to lend a listening ear, to give my undivided attention; but ultimately  to serve children as a medium such that they be better understood and truly less burdened. 

My team noticed my change and I told them what cured me was my soul being fed; not on the pain the children left for me to carry, but on the reminder God gave me on my purpose- this is what I hungered for!

What do you hunger for? What fills your soul? What sings to your heart and renews your spirit?