Fathers And Mothers

Father's Day is typically the third Sunday of June. Most often, it seems, individuals give there father items such as ties and cards; this tradition of sorts begins as young children and appears to be a trend that doesn't change but sometimes stops as they grow older. Even more interesting is it that mothers on the other hand are showered with gifts, sales, brunches, and tea parties on their complementary day- Mother's Day, which falls on the second Sunday in May.

Now, I'm not saying one is more important that the other or even that this approach is wrong; in all actuality both occasions appear to have become Hallmark holidays; which means the goal of gaining profit as organizations and companies as opposed to celebrating a specific individual or event has taken priority.  These holidays have lost meaning in that the commercialized response of media and propaganda has taken over. Truthfully, we could and should show appreciation towards our mothers and fathers any and all days of the year; instead expectations of gifts have been developed for these particular days.

What I will say is how interesting this marked difference is in the overall scheme of life and many family dynamics. Beginning with child conception, it is often argued that mothers have a heavier responsibility to bare in comparison to their father counterparts; some would argue this point beginning with menstruation; not to mention the daily emotional roller coaster rides and never-ending nurturing, mothers are expected to provide; as well as the more traditional household duties like making lunches, attending PTA meetings, and contributing to the kiddie car-pool.  But, the opposite gender role, is in full effect with our fathers whose appearance brings protection and whose most concentrated trait is status; more simply stated, being able to consistently provide for his family.

So the question becomes, why is there such a big difference in the celebration of Mother's Day versus Father's Day? Is this marked difference an illustration of the relationships mothers and fathers have with their children? How can this be fixed?

Perhaps we start repairing by encouraging fathers to be fathers which is more than just being a man; empowering children by role modeling and impacting them with legitimate quality time. By starting here I believe the cycle of "dead-beat-dads" will stop and empowered and respectable active fathers will start. This will hopefully jump start "daddy's princesses" to seek out kings and strive to be queens on a throne- all of their own; and encourage princes' to learn first hand man-hood and take the throne without feeling rushed and lost or on a mission to mis-prove others as opposed to striving for their own excellence.

Furthermore, for the fathers that are active participants in the lives of their children, I encourage mothers to shower them with praise and appreciation and yes- even gifts. Simply summed: Give in June what you received in May.

Let me be clear, in that the struggle goes way beyond the celebration of Mother's Day and Father's Day. But let me also be clear that even if you do celebrate, their is likely room for growth. Let it also be understood that I myself am included in the need for growth. And lastly, let it be said that I am aware that there are some exceptions to the rule as well as some special cases.

So where's the struggle...it's in realizing the relationship you have with your parents and deciding if it's the relationship you want? Is it the type if relationship you would like for your children to have with their mother or father? Are you stopping the cycle? Are you affording opportunities for quality time with both parents? Do you openly bash the parent that's less active in your child's presence?  Reflecting back, if your child mimics what you have with your mother or father would you feel validated and whole?  If not- make a plan to mend the past and actively restore the present for the future. For some, an even bigger struggle will be finding peace within themselves in regards to the parents, mother and/ or father, that was a let down, disappeared, or was always an unknown. No matter what your specific family dynamic is, strive to improve your family tree. Begin now, with your generation. The actual day for showering each parent with extra attention is great, but is only the starting point- it's up to you to encourage and influence growth in regards to child-parent relationships as time presses forward. So much like a sale...hurry before it's too late!

Who is Chivalry

A while back I was at work when a teacher said aloud: chivalry?! A young boy in the class responded: who is chivalry?...where he at?

Although in the moment this instance was amusing at minimum and funny to most; it also sparked a conversation amongst the staff.  Is chivalry dead? Is it dying more and more with each generation? Or is he still around but lazy and only showing himself for limited time offers or brief introductions?

As the conversation grew I gave it much thought. According to Webster, chivalry is a system of values, honor and loyalty, that was to be follow by knights in the Middle Ages on a moral and values system.  In a more practical sense it is an honorable and polite way of behaving, especially towards women.

Of course most females argue that chivalry isn't necessarily dead but it's not exactly alive and well either. Most experience chivalry for small spurts of time with male company; the occasional door opening or offering of a jacket or seat. However even then these acts are not done by strangers but rather by men you know or associate with. Even when it's a new relationship it appears the acts are motivated by self gain such as impressing your company on a date or in mixed company.  When these acts are completed by a total stranger the skepticism is even higher.

On the other-side, argued by mostly males, is the claim that chivalry isn't dead but rather independent women do not give chivalry a chance. So often do women open their own doors and pride themselves on being self made or independent that their leaves no room for anyone or anything else.

So what's the struggle? Everything to this point seemed straightforward; however we must empower our youth! Introduce young men to chivalry- but not just through words but also with actions; leading by example. We must also find a balance between being independent and allowing men to be men. Of course this is harder said than done. When I'm out and about and men open my door or offer their seat I'm anticipating some weak pick up line as I assume there must have been an angle to their portrayed kindness. It is these doubts that must be eased- we as women must simply give guys a chance.

I challenge each of you to empower not just youth but also your peers with respect. Encourage males to be chivalrous; acknowledge their kindness and efforts, say thank you and don't fear there response. Teach females to be independent and furthermore to understand the difference between when to implement this quality and when not to; just like any other trait there is a time and place.   Although this is just the tip of the iceberg... It's something to work with: The first step toward reviving chivalry.